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Stewardesses have this incredible talent for making those tiny airplane snacks seem like they're the most gourmet thing you've ever tasted. "Would you like the chicken or the pasta?" It's like being at a fancy restaurant, except I'm in a cramped seat and struggling with a plastic fork.
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You ever notice how, no matter how early your flight is, the stewardesses are always wide awake, ready to serve you coffee with a smile? Meanwhile, I'm stumbling onto the plane in my pajamas, praying the coffee maker at home is still functioning.
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Have you ever tried to gracefully exit the restroom on a plane without touching anything? It's like playing an intense game of airplane Twister, trying not to make contact with anything. I swear, I've perfected the art of opening doors with my elbows.
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Stewardesses have mastered the art of speaking in code. When they say, "We'll be experiencing some slight turbulence," what they really mean is, "Hold on to your peanuts; we're about to turn this plane into a rollercoaster.
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I always find it amusing when the stewardess says, "In the unlikely event of a water landing..." Like, if we crash into the ocean, the last thing I'm worried about is the flotation device. I'm more concerned with finding Nemo and a way back to dry land.
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You ever notice how the beverage cart on a plane turns the cabin into a mini black-market economy? People start trading pretzels for cookies like it's a high-stakes negotiation. "I'll give you two peanuts for that chocolate bar.
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I asked a stewardess once if turbulence is normal, and she said, "Oh, absolutely! It's just Mother Nature's way of giving us a gentle reminder that we're essentially in a metal tube 30,000 feet above the ground." Well, thanks for the gentle reminder, Mother Nature. I'll stick to ground level, where my snacks don't spill.
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Stewardesses must have a secret manual on how to maintain a pleasant expression, even when someone asks the same question for the hundredth time. "Excuse me, is this the bathroom?" No, sir, it's the portal to Narnia. Of course, it's the bathroom!
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Ever notice how the term "stewardess" sounds like a job title from the 1950s? I half expect them to serve me coffee in a poodle skirt and then break into a rendition of "Fly Me to the Moon.
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