17 Jokes For Voldemort

Puns

Updated on: Jan 28 2025

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What's Voldemort's favorite musical instrument? The Slytherin-trombone!
Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? Because he had a nose for humor!
Why did Voldemort start a bakery? He kneaded the dough!
Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He had a knack for making things wither and die!
How does Voldemort prefer to communicate? Nose-talgia!
How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark and with a touch of the forbidden!
What's Voldemort's favorite board game? Guess Who – the Horcrux Edition!
I was thinking of getting a pet snake until I heard Voldemort's story. I mean, having a snake as a pet is cool, but having a snake as a life coach? That's just asking for trouble. 'Slytherin' into existential crises, one parseltongue conversation at a time.
You know you're in trouble when even your nose abandons you. I mean, Voldemort's rocking the 'no-nose' look, and I can't decide if he's trying to be avant-garde or just took social distancing to a whole new level.
Voldemort's like the ultimate bad hair day - you can't even talk about him without shivers running down your spine. It's like, 'Honey, I thought my messy bun was a disaster, but have you heard about the guy with no nose?'
I heard Voldemort is really into dark magic, but can we talk about how dark his fashion choices are? I mean, a cape and no nose? Someone needs a makeover. Maybe that's why he's so angry all the time - no one invited him to Hogwarts Fashion Week.
Voldemort's like the ex who just won't let go. He's been defeated more times than my Wi-Fi connection, and yet he keeps coming back. Someone should tell him there's a fine line between persistence and just being annoying.
Voldemort's biggest fear is love, right? I guess someone forgot to tell him it's not a Horcrux. 'Avada Kedavra' may be unforgivable, but not as unforgivable as wearing a snake as a fashion accessory. I mean, what's next, basilisk boots?
You know you're a villain when even your name sounds like bad news. 'Voldemort' - it's like the 'Volvo' of the dark arts. Not exactly striking fear into the hearts of wizards and muggles alike.
Voldemort really needs a hobby. I mean, most people take up knitting or gardening, but no, he's over there splitting his soul into pieces. Maybe if he had picked up a crossword puzzle instead, he wouldn't be so cranky all the time.
Voldemort tried to conquer the wizarding world, but let's be real, he couldn't even conquer his fear of a teenage wizard with glasses. Maybe he should've invested in some magic contact lenses for better aim.
Voldemort's so obsessed with immortality, but have you seen how fast he disappears when someone mentions therapy? Maybe if he spent less time scheming and more time on self-reflection, he wouldn't need all those Horcruxes.

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