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Joke Types
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Why did the scarecrow become a vegetarian? He heard all the corn was in the salad.
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Why did the cucumber go to therapy? It had too many issues with its self-esteem.
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Why did the lettuce break up with the celery? It felt stalked in the relationship.
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Why did the apple break up with the banana? It couldn't find the core values in the relationship.
Salad vs. My Will to Live
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You know you're into health food when you start confusing a salad for a life choice. I mean, I ordered a salad the other day, and the waiter asked, Would you like that with a side of existential crisis? I said, Sure, why not? It's the dressing on the salad of life.
Gluten-Free: Because I Hate Joy
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I tried going gluten-free, and I realized it's basically a diet of despair. No bread, no pasta, no joy. It's like telling your taste buds, Sorry, happiness is not allowed in this digestive system.
Smoothie Detox: A Liquid Cry for Help
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I decided to do a smoothie detox, and let me tell you, drinking your meals is like sending a liquid cry for help. I blended kale, spinach, and some other questionable greens. My blender looked at me like, Are you sure about this? You know we can make milkshakes, right?
Tofu: The Chameleon of Disappointment
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Tofu is the chameleon of disappointment. You try to make it taste like anything else, but deep down, it's still tofu. It's like the undercover agent of the food world, infiltrating your taste buds with blandness.
Granola Bars: Nature’s Way of Mocking Us
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Granola bars are nature's way of mocking us. They're like, Hey, here's a bar of deliciousness, and by the way, did you know we put kale, quinoa, and chia seeds in it? It's basically a salad with a crunch, disguised as a snack.
Fitness Apps: My Phone Judges Me
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I downloaded a fitness app, and now my phone judges me more than my mom. It's like, Hey, you've been sitting for too long. Do some jumping jacks. I'm just trying to binge-watch my favorite shows without the judgmental glare of a digital personal trainer.
The Organic Dilemma
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I tried going all organic, and now my wallet's on life support. It's like every time I buy organic, I can feel my bank account silently judging me. I'm just waiting for my credit card to file a restraining order against the organic section.
Avocado Toast: The Millennial Mortgage
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Avocado toast is the millennial mortgage. They say it's an investment in your health, but I'm starting to think my house would be just as nutritious. At least I could live in it when I can't afford groceries.
Chia Seeds: The Ant Farm of Breakfast
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Chia seeds are the ant farm of breakfast. You sprinkle them on yogurt, and suddenly it's like your spoon is excavating an archaeological site. I didn't sign up for a breakfast that requires a tiny shovel.
Kale: The Overachiever of Vegetables
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I tried kale for the first time, and now I understand why it's the overachiever of the vegetable world. Kale's like that friend who runs a marathon before breakfast, while I'm over here winded from just opening the bag. I can barely kale my own enthusiasm.
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