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The Sleepyhead
Wishing it was all just a bad dream
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If I had a nickel for every time I woke up thinking I was being attacked by a needle-wielding vampire, I'd have enough money to pay someone to go get my blood drawn for me.
The Competitive Spirit
Turning it into a competition with the nurse
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I told the nurse, "Make it a race. See if you can draw the blood before I finish this Sudoku puzzle." She chuckled, but let me tell you, I finished that puzzle and then some. I'm basically the Usain Bolt of blood draws.
The Overly Curious Scientist
Wondering where all that blood goes
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They say you can donate blood to save lives. I'm all for it, but I want to know if my blood goes to a superhero. I want to imagine someone out there shouting, "I got a transfusion from Captain Plasma! I can now leap tall buildings and resist the urge to eat midnight snacks.
The Brave Patient
Facing the fear of needles
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The nurse asked me if I wanted a lollipop after the blood draw. A lollipop? Seriously? I just conquered my fear; I need a reward for adults. How about a voucher for free pizza or a "I survived the needle" T-shirt?
The Conspiracy Theorist
Believing the government is up to something with your blood
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They told me my blood type. A positive. Well, I'm positive they're using my blood to write secret codes that only aliens can decipher. Next time I see a crop circle, I'll know it's just my blood type in alien language.
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