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So, about this whole "keeping the doctor away" thing – what if I actually like my doctor? What if Dr. Smith is a nice person, and we enjoy discussing the latest Netflix shows during my checkup? Now I have to sacrifice that for the sake of an apple? It's like choosing between my health and my social life. Sorry, doc, I'll miss our chats, but Granny Smith calls. And then there's the guilt. If you miss a day, suddenly you're thinking, "Oh great, now Dr. Broccoli is going to find out. He'll show up at my doorstep, shaking his leafy head disapprovingly." I can't handle that kind of judgment.
But hey, if apples are the solution, why stop there? Why not a pineapple a day keeps sadness away? Or a watermelon a day keeps the dentist away? Suddenly, my grocery list is a prescription pad.
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I decided to test the theory – went to my doctor and said, "Doc, I'm eating an apple a day." He looked at me and replied, "That's great, but it won't prevent everything." I felt betrayed! I'm here, munching apples like a rabbit, and you're telling me it's not a magical shield against all ailments? I realized, maybe it's not about keeping the doctor away. Maybe it's about the doctor being so impressed with your commitment to apples that they just want to be friends instead. Like, "You're so dedicated to your fruit, let's grab a smoothie sometime. I'll even throw in some kale for good measure.
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You know they say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." I tried it for a while, but it didn't work out as planned. I mean, if that were true, I should be practically invincible by now, right? I'd be walking into hospitals like, "Sorry, doc, I'm booked for the next decade with all these apples." But let's talk about this advice for a second. An apple a day? What kind of doctor are we trying to avoid here? Is it like, "Oh no, it's Dr. Broccoli! Quick, eat an apple!" I can just imagine a broccoli with a stethoscope lecturing me about my vegetable intake.
And don't even get me started on the pressure. Every time I bite into an apple, I feel like I'm signing a contract with my health. It's like a tiny voice in my head saying, "Congratulations, you've just extended your life by 24 hours. But don't forget tomorrow's apple, or we're sending the doctor.
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I've started suspecting that this whole apple thing is a conspiracy. I mean, who benefits the most from this advice? Big Apple? Are they secretly behind this campaign to boost their sales? I can picture an apple CEO in a dimly lit room, whispering, "Tell them it's for health, and watch those stocks soar!" And what if the doctors are in on it too? They're probably getting kickbacks from apple orchards. You go in for a checkup, and the doctor hands you an apple instead of a prescription. "Trust me, this Fuji will fix that flu." It's a fruity collusion, people!
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