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If you're ever feeling unproductive, just remember that somewhere out there, a taxidermist is making a living by turning deceased animals into home decor. Suddenly, your day job doesn't seem so bizarre.
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I asked a taxidermist if they ever get attached to the animals they work on. They said, "Nah, but I do have a favorite. His name is Gary, the possum with the attitude problem. He's a real conversation starter at family gatherings.
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I visited a taxidermy museum, and the tour guide was so enthusiastic. "And here we have a thrilling display of squirrels playing poker. The stakes were nuts!" I didn't know whether to laugh or check if the guide was also a stand-up comedian in disguise.
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You know you're at a classy party when the host has a taxidermy collection. It's like, "Oh, you have a deer head on your wall? How charming! Do you have any champagne-flavored air fresheners?
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Taxidermists must have the patience of saints. I can barely assemble IKEA furniture without losing a few screws and contemplating a life of minimalism.
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I tried my hand at taxidermy once. Let's just say the squirrel I attempted to preserve now serves as a constant reminder that maybe I should stick to hobbies that don't involve sharp objects and fur.
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You ever notice how taxidermists must have the strangest dinner parties? "Hey, Bob, pass the salt... and by the way, nice job on that squirrel over there. Looks almost lifelike!
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I hired a taxidermist to preserve my pet goldfish. Now I have a little fin-tastic paperweight. It's the most extravagant way to remember a fish funeral.
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My friend decided to become a taxidermist, and I asked him how it's going. He said, "It's a real hands-on job." I replied, "Is that a pun, or did you forget to wash your hands after the last job?
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