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Joke Types
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I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. Not surprised; she always takes things literally.
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I asked the mirror if it could compliment me. It said, 'Not unless you smile.' I wasn't surprised; it always reflects the truth.
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I told my wife she should start embracing her mistakes. She hugged me. Not surprised; she's always finding creative ways to avoid admitting she's wrong.
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I asked the math teacher if I could bring my pet to class. She said, 'Sure, just don't let it distract you.' I brought my pet rock. Not surprised; it's very low-maintenance.
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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
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I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.' Not surprised there!
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I told my wife she was leaving me because of my obsession with astrology. She was shocked, and I was not surprised; it was written in the stars.
My Relationship with Technology
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My phone's predictive text feature thinks it knows me so well. I start typing, and it suggests words like it’s reading my mind. But here's the thing—I'm not surprised by the suggestions anymore. It’s like having a conversation with a friend who finishes your sentences, and you're like, Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say that. You're not a psychic, you're just a really pushy text editor.
Online Shopping Adventures
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Online shopping is a rollercoaster of emotions. You click Buy Now, and for the next few days, you're on this emotional high. Then the package arrives, and it's like, Wow, not surprised that I thought this shirt would look better on the model than it does on me. Turns out I'm not a six-foot-two runway model; I’m just a regular person.”
Not Surprised No More
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You know, they say life is full of surprises, but honestly, at this point, I’m not surprised by anything. I’m not surprised when my alarm goes off in the morning, reminding me it's time to adult. I'm not surprised when I open my fridge and find out it's still empty. Heck, I'm not even surprised that I’m not surprised anymore.
My GPS and I: A Love-Hate Story
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My GPS and I have this complicated relationship. It constantly says, In 500 feet, turn right, and I’m just sitting there thinking, Not surprised, GPS, not surprised. You’ve been telling me to turn right for the last five miles. Are we on a roundabout or stuck in some eternal right turn loop?
Mondays: The Weekly Surprise Party
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Mondays are supposed to be a fresh start, a new beginning. But let's be real, Mondays are just a surprise party you never wanted to attend. You wake up, and it’s like, Surprise! You thought the weekend was long? Here's a whole week waiting for you! Not surprised, Monday, not surprised.
Cooking Adventures
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I tried following a recipe once. It said, Cook for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Well, 20 minutes later, and my creation was still a shade of beige that can only be described as culinary camouflage. Not surprised, recipe book, not surprised. Next time, I'll just order pizza.
Traffic Tales
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I spend so much time stuck in traffic that I've started naming the pigeons on the power lines. I see them every day, just hanging out, judging us drivers. And when someone cuts me off, the pigeons give me that look like, Not surprised, buddy. It's a jungle out here, and you’re just another confused animal trying to get home.
Captain Obvious Strikes Again
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You ever meet those people who love to state the obvious? Like, Oh, it's raining! No kidding, Captain Obvious, I thought those were flying chocolate chips. But you know what I'm really not surprised about? The fact that Captain Obvious is probably somewhere right now going, Hey, did you guys know the sun is bright?
The Gym Dilemma
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I joined a gym thinking it would be a life-changing experience. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. Now, every time I walk in, the gym equipment just stares at me, unimpressed. And I'm there like, Yeah, yeah, I know. Not surprised that I’d rather be on the couch with a bag of chips. Can we get this workout over with?
Breaking News: Predictable Weather
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Have you noticed how weather forecasts are getting more predictable? It's like, Tomorrow, there's a 100% chance of weather. Thanks for narrowing it down. I was starting to think we might have a day without weather, just to spice things up. But nope, not surprised, just another day with a sky and stuff.
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