4 Jokes About My Weight

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jan 05 2025

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You ever notice how when you gain weight, it's always when you're trying to make a significant life decision? It's like my body's saying, "Why choose a direction in life when you can expand in all directions?" I mean, I was contemplating joining a gym, and my belly was like,
Ever feel like scales are the most untrustworthy devices out there? I mean, they're the only machines that make you question your relationship with gravity every single time. You stand there, trying to look nonchalant, as if you didn’t just eat a whole pizza, and then the numbers flash like
You know, I stepped on the scale the other day, and it didn't just tell me my weight; it gave me a full life evaluation. It's like, "Congratulations! You're carrying a newborn elephant!" I mean, is there a special alarm that goes off somewhere when the numbers hit a certain
People say that weight doesn't define you, but sometimes I feel like it's trying to write my biography. Like, if someone asks, "How's your day?" My fat cells chime in, "Oh, we're writing a chapter on 'Why the Stairs Feel Like Everest Today.'" It's as if I’m in this perpetual

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