15 Jokes About My Weight

Puns

Updated on: Jan 05 2025

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I think I found the secret to weight loss. It's hiding underneath all the pizza!
I told my refrigerator to chill. It replied, 'Sorry, I'm on thin ice with all this food around!
I told my scale it has a weight complex. It just shrugged it off!
I used to be self-conscious about my weight until I realized my personality weighs a lot too. Double trouble!
I think my scale is mocking me. Every time I step on it, it says 'One at a time, please!

My Weightlifting Journey

You know, I decided to start weightlifting recently. Not because I wanted to be the next Schwarzenegger, but because I thought, Hey, carrying the weight of my decisions for all these years should count as a workout!

Exercise DVDs and I

I tried those home workout DVDs. The instructor said, Feel the burn! I thought, I already feel the burn every time I look at my pizza delivery guy climbing those stairs.

Calorie Counting Chronicles

I decided to count calories, but let's be real—when you eat something and it's delicious, who has the time to count? I call it the Ignorance is Bliss Diet Plan.

Dieting Dilemmas

I tried a diet where you only eat what you can pronounce. That lasted about 10 minutes until I found myself staring at an avocado thinking, Avo...cad...o? Is this a vegetable or a secret code?

Gravity vs. Me

I've come to realize that my relationship with gravity is unique. It's like gravity looks at me and says, Challenge accepted! I mean, even my shadow looks at me and thinks, Is it dark already, or is he just standing there?

Closet Conundrum

Cleaning out my closet is a workout in itself. Each time I find clothes I forgot I had, it's like discovering buried treasure. The only difference is that my treasure has elastic waistbands.

My Fitness App

I downloaded a fitness app that counts your steps. It's been three days, and it still says, Are you alive? I guess my phone is now concerned about my sedentary lifestyle.

Food vs. Exercise

I heard that you can burn calories by laughing. So now, instead of going to the gym, I just sit in front of a mirror and tell myself jokes. It's a win-win—I get exercise, and the mirror gets a good laugh at my expense.

My Scale's Sense of Humor

I bought a new scale the other day. I stepped on it, and it said, To be continued... I mean, I knew I was heavy, but now even my scale is leaving me on a cliffhanger!

The Gym and I

I went to the gym, and the trainer asked me to do a plank. I said, Do you mean like, 'plank of wood' or 'plank of cake'? Because I can do one much better than the other.

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