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Let's talk about online dating. It's like shopping for a human but with more swiping and fewer discounts. You match with someone, and you think, "This could be the one!" But then they send you a message that's more confusing than my ghostwriter's notes: "killing themselves." I'm just looking for someone to grab coffee with, not a partner in crime! And don't get me started on the profile pictures. It's like a game of "Spot the Real Person." Is that a photo of you, or did you just Google "model" and hope for the best? And if your profile only has group pictures, congratulations, you've turned dating into a Where's Waldo adventure. Spoiler alert: Waldo is never on a dating app.
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You ever notice how life is full of tough decisions? I mean, I can't even decide what to have for breakfast most days. But you know what's next level decision-making? Deciding to ghost someone. I mean, we've all been there, right? You're talking to someone, and suddenly they just disappear. It's like trying to have a conversation with a magician. "Hey, where did you go? Did you pull a rabbit out of a hat and vanish?" But let's be honest, deciding to ghost someone is like the adult version of disappearing into thin air. It's not like Casper the Friendly Ghost; it's more like Casper the Avoidant Ghost. You know what's even more extreme than ghosting, though? Ghostwriting. I recently hired a ghostwriter, and they sent me some notes that made me question my life choices. The notes just said, "killing themselves." I was like, "Whoa, hold on! I just wanted some jokes, not a Netflix crime documentary plot twist." So, I decided to stick to the less dramatic stuff and leave the heavy lifting to the ghostwriters.
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I love social media. It's where I can be anyone I want to be, as long as it fits within 280 characters or a square Instagram photo. But social media can be a double-edged sword. You post a picture, and suddenly everyone becomes a critic. "Oh, you're eating avocado toast again? How original." I'm just trying to keep the avocado farmers in business, okay? And then there are those cryptic posts that make you go, "What is happening in this person's life?" You know, the ones that sound like they were written by my ghostwriter: "killing themselves." I'm over here trying to decode the secret messages like I'm in a Dan Brown novel. "Is this a cry for help or just a really edgy recipe for spaghetti?
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Let's talk about texting. It's a battlefield out there. You send a message, and then you wait. And wait. It's like planting a seed and hoping it grows into a conversation tree. But sometimes, instead of a conversation, you get a ghostwriter's note: "killing themselves." I mean, talk about taking the conversation to a dark place. I just wanted to know if you prefer cats or dogs, not your existential crisis. And then there's the dreaded read receipt. You see someone has read your message, and you start thinking, "Is this the end? Are they typing a heartfelt goodbye or just struggling to find the right emoji?" It's like waiting for the results of a job interview where the only skill you're being judged on is your ability to use GIFs.
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