5 Jokes About Killing Themselves

Double Meaning Jokes

Updated on: Mar 11 2025

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The Forgetful Librarian

Remembering where they put the punchlines.
They say laughter is the best medicine. I forget; is that before or after the punchline?

The Optimistic Barber

Trying to make a living without cutting anyone too deep.
I told my client, "Your hairline is not receding; it's just practicing social distancing from your forehead.

The Clumsy Surgeon

Trying not to accidentally perform self-surgery.
They call me the "Butterfingers Surgeon." I tried a delicate surgery once, and now my patient has a belly button where their elbow used to be.

The Overly Honest Politician

Trying to stay in office while telling the truth.
My campaign slogan is, "Vote for me because I can't lie convincingly." It's refreshing, really; no one expects much, and I deliver even less.

The Pessimistic Chef

Cooking without burning every dish.
Last time I cooked, my smoke alarm went off, not to warn me but to say, "Dude, just order pizza!

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