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Ever notice how ghost stories always involve the ghost reenacting their death? Like, if I have to haunt someone, I'm not going to spend eternity folding laundry. Nope, I'm going straight to the person with the best snacks.
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You ever notice how ghosts never seem to have a sense of timing? Like, really? Couldn't you have haunted me during office hours? Now I've got insomnia and a spectral roommate who's apparently on a graveyard shift!
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You know, if ghosts are real, they must hate the concept of spring cleaning. They're just floating there, watching us throw out stuff, like, "Hey, I died for that antique chair! It's a family heirloom... or it was!
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Ghost chefs must be terrible at cooking. "Just a pinch of salt? No problem. Oh wait, it went through my hand and now it's all over the floor. Well, the haunted kitchen aesthetic is in, right?
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Ghost dating must be complicated. Imagine trying to plan a dinner date when your significant other can literally walk through walls. Reservation for two? Nah, more like "Reservation for two plus the spirit of a nosy Victorian lady who's just here for the gossip.
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I bet ghost job interviews are a nightmare. "So, what are your strengths?" "Well, I'm excellent at scaring people, obviously. Also, I can make the lights flicker on cue. And if you have any unfinished business, I'm your guy.
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Imagine being a ghost therapist. "Okay, Mr. Johnson, let's talk about why you're still haunting that old library. You need to let go and cross over. The Dewey Decimal System can handle itself!
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I heard a ghost complaining the other day – apparently, they can't stand modern technology. "Back in my day, we just rattled chains and made eerie noises. Now they're expected to master the art of the selfie. It's a tough afterlife for these guys!
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Ghosts and social distancing have a lot in common. They both have this habit of showing up when you least expect them, and you're left trying to figure out if that cold chill is a supernatural entity or just a draft.
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