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You ever wonder what it's like when someone dies and goes to heaven? I mean, is there like a line at the pearly gates? Like, are there heavenly bouncers checking your ID to make sure you're on the list? "Sorry, John, it looks like you were a bit of a troublemaker down there. We've got a strict no mischief policy up here." And what about the dress code in heaven? I bet St. Peter is up there judging people for their fashion choices. "Sandals with socks, really? That's a cloud faux pas, my friend."
I can just imagine the confusion when someone arrives in heaven and realizes there are no earthly comforts. "Wait, where's my smartphone? How am I supposed to check my social status in the afterlife? Do they have Wi-Fi up here?"
It's probably like a cosmic game show. You get to heaven, and there's this celestial host welcoming you: "Congratulations, you've won eternal bliss! Now, let's see what's behind door number one – fluffy clouds and harp music. Door number two – unlimited ice cream and puppies. And door number three – you have to room with your mother-in-law for all eternity. Tough choice, right?
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I wonder what people do for fun in heaven. Do they have celestial hobbies? "Today, I tried cloud sculpting. It's like regular sculpting, but fluffier. And I got a lesson from Michelangelo – turns out, he's into cloud art too!" And let's talk about the heavenly sports league. Imagine a celestial Super Bowl with teams like the Archangels and the Seraphim facing off. "Touchdown by Gabriel! Oh wait, he's blowing his trumpet mid-game. Is that even allowed?"
I bet there's a cosmic karaoke night where people are belting out tunes like "Stairway to Heaven" for the millionth time. And the angels in the audience are either cheering or covering their ears.
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I bet heaven has its own version of Yelp, where people who have passed on leave reviews about their experience. "Five stars for the pearly gates entrance – very sparkly and welcoming. However, deducted a star because the heavenly Wi-Fi is a bit spotty." And imagine the comments section: "Met St. Peter at the gate – nice guy but talks too much about his golf game. Also, not enough snacks. I was expecting a heavenly buffet, not just endless bowls of ambrosia."
I can see it now – people trying to one-up each other with their heavenly achievements. "Oh, you got to meet Shakespeare and Einstein? Well, I had a tea party with a T-Rex and beat him at chess. Step up your afterlife game!
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You know, I bet there's a heavenly tech support hotline for people who can't figure out the divine gadgets. "Hello, heaven tech support? Yeah, my halo keeps flickering, and my wings won't fold properly. Is there a celestial Genius Bar I can visit?" And imagine the hold music while you're waiting: a heavenly choir singing angelic hymns. "Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line, and a guardian angel will be with you shortly."
I can just picture someone calling in with a complaint: "Yeah, I ordered eternal happiness, but I'm feeling a bit meh. Can you send someone to spruce up my afterlife experience? Maybe throw in a few more rainbows and unicorns?
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