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They say laughter is the best medicine. I must be on a heavy dose because sometimes I laugh so hard, I feel like I died and went to heaven. Then reality hits, and I'm just sitting on my couch, surrounded by pizza boxes, wondering how I got here.
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You ever notice how people talk about their favorite desserts like they died and went to heaven? "This chocolate cake is so good, I swear, I died and went to heaven!" I'm just over here thinking, "If heaven has chocolate cake, sign me up now. I'll bring my own fork!
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Have you ever been on an airplane, and the turbulence is so bad that people start praying? I had a guy next to me last time, gripping his armrest, eyes closed, muttering, "If I die, I hope I died and went to heaven." I leaned over and said, "Well, if you do, put in a good word for the in-flight snacks!
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You know you're an adult when your idea of a wild night is staying up past 10 p.m. I did it last night, and let me tell you, I felt like I died and went to heaven—mainly because my bed has never felt so comfortable.
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Going to a buffet is a lot like what I imagine dying and going to heaven would be like. So many options, and you're just hoping you won't regret your choices later. Plus, you leave feeling a little guilty and vowing to do better next time.
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You know you're getting old when you start enjoying lawn care. I was out mowing my lawn the other day, and my neighbor looked over and said, "Looks like you died and went to suburban heaven." I nodded and whispered, "If only my lawnmower had a cup holder.
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Grocery shopping with a list is like having a roadmap to culinary heaven. You cross off items one by one, and when you finally find that last elusive ingredient, you feel like you died and went to the checkout counter—close enough to heaven for me.
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Have you ever tried to assemble IKEA furniture? It's like a journey to a parallel universe. Halfway through, you're convinced you died and went to the DIY afterlife. I've seen things with Allen wrenches that can't be unseen.
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Ever notice how the aroma of fresh coffee in the morning is so intoxicating that it's like you died and went to heaven? I don't need an alarm clock; just waft some coffee under my nose, and I'll rise from the dead faster than a zombie in a caffeine commercial.
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