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The Ash Wednesday homilies are like the pre-game show for Lent – setting the mood, predicting the sacrifices, and making sure you're emotionally invested for the spiritual playoffs. I'm just waiting for the halftime show with heavenly nachos.
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The priest during Ash Wednesday said, "Remember that you are dust, and to dust, you shall return." I'm thinking, "Father, is this a spiritual reminder or a commentary on my house-cleaning skills?
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They say Lent is a time for sacrifice. Last year, I gave up chocolate. This year, I'm thinking about giving up on pretending I understand the Ash Wednesday homilies. I'll just nod and say, "Amen" at the appropriate intervals.
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The priest started talking about fasting during the Ash Wednesday homily. I thought, "Father, have you seen the size of my breakfast burritos? Fasting for me is just waiting five minutes between the first and second burrito.
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On Ash Wednesday, the priest asked us to reflect on our sins. I tried, but my mind wandered to whether I left the oven on at home. So now, not only do I have sins to confess, but I might also have a burnt casserole waiting for me.
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The priest said, "Repentance is about turning away from sin." I tried that once, turned away from the pizza delivery guy. Sin found me on the other side of the couch.
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I was at an Ash Wednesday service, and the priest was going on and on about repentance. I'm thinking, "Father, I can barely commit to a New Year's resolution; you're asking me to repent for 40 days? Can I get a spiritual trial period or something?
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You know it's Ash Wednesday when the priest starts the homily with, "Lent is upon us." I always feel like Lent is that unexpected guest who just shows up at your doorstep with a suitcase, and you're like, "Wait, weren't you supposed to give me a heads-up?
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Ash Wednesday homilies are like the GPS of guilt – they're constantly recalculating. "Turn right at confession, make a U-turn at forgiveness, and you will reach salvation in 40 days or less. Estimated time of redemption: eternity.
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