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Joke Types
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Why did the zombie join a band? It wanted to improve its dead-ication to music!
Zombie Parenting
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Parenting is hard enough, but imagine raising a zombie teenager. Eat your vegetables, not the neighbors! And the constant moaning – it's like having a teenager who just discovered existentialism. Ugh, life is soooo un-life.
Zombie Party Etiquette
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I got invited to a zombie party recently. It was BYOB – Bring Your Own Brains. I brought a veggie platter, and they looked at me like I was the weird one. I mean, come on, guys, it's a potluck apocalypse!
Zombie Self-Help Books
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I saw a self-help book for zombies the other day. It was titled, How to Win Friends and Decompose. I mean, really? Do zombies need self-help? Maybe they just need a good therapist, someone who won't judge them for losing their head.
Zombie Job Interviews
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I went for a job interview the other day, and they asked me about my experience with the undead. Apparently, handling zombies is now a job requirement. I told them I had excellent experience because I once survived a night at the mall during a zombie movie marathon.
The Zombie Apocalypse Diet
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You know, I've been trying out this new diet called the Zombie Apocalypse Diet. It's great! You just chase after brains all day, and if you catch one, well, that's your protein for the day. The only downside is my neighbors think I've lost my mind, but hey, at least I found some brains!
Zombie Dating Woes
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I tried online dating, but it's tough out there. I matched with a zombie once. I thought it was going well until he said, You're so sweet, I could just eat your brains. I mean, compliments are nice, but I draw the line at becoming a snack.
Zombie Gym Trainers
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I signed up for a zombie fitness class. The instructor kept saying, Lose the limbs, not the gains! It was motivational until someone's arm flew across the room. I guess that's one way to achieve a detached, but toned, physique.
Zombie Fashion Trends
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You ever notice how zombies are always dressed in tattered clothes? I mean, I get it, it's the apocalypse, but come on! Even in the afterlife, can't we have some fashion standards? I bet they have a Gore-couture magazine somewhere in Zombieville.
Zombie Stand-Up Comedy
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I did a gig for zombies once. Tough crowd. I told a joke, and the only response I got was a slow, menacing shuffle. I guess even in the undead world, my humor is a bit too alive. Well, at least I didn't get booed – just moaned at.
Zombies at the Gym
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Have you ever seen a zombie at the gym? It's like, dude, the treadmill is not a buffet, okay? They're on the elliptical like they're trying to escape the afterlife. And when they hit the weights, it's more like a quest for bicep survival. I guess the real gains are in the gains of the undead.
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