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You ever wonder what happens when Chuck Norris checks the time? I mean, the guy's so tough, the clock doesn't dare to tell him he's running late. It just quietly adjusts itself, apologizes, and hopes Chuck doesn't roundhouse kick it into the next century. I imagine Chuck's watch isn't a Rolex; it's more like a "ChuckNorrisFist-O-Clock." It doesn't tick; it counts the number of bad guys Chuck's taken down that day.
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You know, Chuck Norris doesn't fish with a rod and reel. No, he just stares into the water until the fish surrender. He doesn't catch fish; he negotiates with them. I can picture him sitting by the river, fish lined up, ready to be a part of Chuck's dinner plans. And when he throws them back, they don't swim away; they do a victory lap, bragging to their fish friends about the honor of being considered by Chuck Norris.
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Have you ever thought about what happens when Chuck Norris walks into a fast-food joint? He doesn't read the menu; he just stares at the cashier until they confess the healthiest thing on there. And Chuck doesn't need to wait for his order number to be called; the food comes to him out of respect. I heard once he ordered a burger, and the cashier threw in a free gym membership just for good measure.
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You know, Chuck Norris invented the selfie. He doesn't need a stick; he just stares into the camera, and it takes the picture out of pure fear. Chuck's selfies don't break the internet; they break the laws of physics. And filters? Chuck doesn't use filters. Filters use Chuck. His pictures don't need enhancement; they need a warning label: "May cause temporary blindness due to overwhelming awesomeness.
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