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Food. The source of all happiness and my personal joy. But leave it to that one friend to ask, "Whatcha eatin'?" like it's some profound inquiry into the mysteries of life. I'm just trying to enjoy my meal, and suddenly it's a culinary interrogation. "Whatcha eatin'?" "Uh, it's a sandwich." "Just a sandwich? What's in it?" Now I have to break down the entire ingredient list like I'm a contestant on a cooking show. "Well, it's got ham, cheese, lettuce, and a secret sauce. Happy now?"
And don't let them catch you with fast food. "Whatcha eatin'? McDonald's again?" Yes, Brenda, I am. And I'll do it tomorrow and the day after because, unlike you, I appreciate the consistency of a good old-fashioned Big Mac.
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You ever have that friend who's always asking, "Whatcha watchin'?" Like, seriously, I could be watching the most intense, suspenseful movie, and they'll just stroll in and casually drop that line. "Whatcha watchin'?" Well, I was watching a movie, but now I'm watching you ruin it! And then, when you tell them what you're watching, they become the instant critic. "Oh, I heard that's boring." Well, thanks for that insightful analysis, Captain Obvious. Now, I can't enjoy my movie because I'm too busy defending my cinematic choices!
You know what I've started doing? I've started giving them fake titles just to mess with them. "Oh, it's this avant-garde French film called 'The Existential Silence of Existence.' You probably wouldn't get it." And they'll nod like they've heard of it, pretending to be all cultured. Whatcha watchin'? A masterpiece, my friend, a masterpiece!
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I've noticed that "Whatcha" is not just a question; it's an epidemic. It's like a disease spreading among friends and family. I can't escape it! My grandma does it, my dog does it with those judgmental eyes, and even my toaster—yeah, my toaster, every morning it's like, "Whatcha toasting today?" And don't get me started on my GPS. "In 500 feet, turn right. Whatcha gonna do, turn left and defy the laws of navigation?" I feel like I'm being judged by my appliances now.
I've started responding to inanimate objects. "Whatcha lookin' at, toaster? You're just a metal box with a glowing button!" I've officially lost it.
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Whatcha doin'?" The most common and simultaneously annoying question in the English language. It's like everyone's a detective, and my life is an open book they can't resist flipping through. I was once in the bathroom, just minding my business, and my roommate knocks on the door. "Whatcha doin' in there?" Well, last time I checked, the sign on the door says "occupied," so take a wild guess!
And then there's the work version of this question. You're at your desk, focused, in the zone, and your nosy coworker leans over, "Whatcha doin'?" I'm working, Karen. You might want to try it sometime.
I've started responding with, "Whatcha doin'?" It throws them off every time. They never expect the question to be flipped back at them. Try it; it's oddly satisfying.
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