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Useless facts are like the extra fries at the bottom of the bag – you didn't ask for them, but now you can't resist indulging. Except instead of satisfaction, you're left wondering why you know that a snail can sleep for three years.
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Useless facts are the only things that never judge you. You can be in your pajamas, eating cereal for dinner, and your mind is like, "Hey, did you know a group of owls is called a 'parliament'?" Thanks, brain, for not pointing out my life choices.
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You ever feel like your brain is playing trivia with itself? I'm sitting there, minding my own business, and suddenly I'm hit with, "A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time, equal to the time it takes for light to travel one centimeter in a vacuum." Well, thank you, brain, for that incredibly specific and useless knowledge.
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Useless facts are like the breadcrumbs of conversation. You drop them, hoping someone will follow the trail, but most of the time, they just look at you like, "Why are we in the woods of random information?
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Imagine if we could trade useless facts like trading cards. "I'll give you the fact that a 'group of crows is called a murder' for your knowledge on the speed of a sneeze." The ultimate nerd currency.
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Why is it that the most useless facts come to mind during the most crucial moments? Like, in the middle of a job interview, my brain decides to remind me that honey never spoils. Great, now I'll be known as the bee enthusiast with zero employable skills.
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I love how useless facts make you feel momentarily smart until you realize you have no practical use for knowing that a 'jiffy' is a real unit of time. It's like having a superhero power that only works in trivial pursuit games.
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You ever notice how we remember useless facts better than important stuff? I can tell you the lifespan of a Mayfly, but ask me where I left my keys, and suddenly I'm Sherlock Holmes in a hopeless case.
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Have you ever tried impressing someone with a useless fact, and they just stare at you like you're an alien? Yeah, I told a date that a group of flamingos is called a "flamboyance." She looked at me like I just made up a new dance move.
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