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You know, when Trump was president, his tweets were like a daily soap opera. I mean, who needs scripted drama when you have 280 characters of unpredictability? It was like waking up every morning and playing Russian roulette with your emotions. I remember one day he'd be tweeting about foreign policy, the next day he'd be beefing with a celebrity. I half expected him to announce important decisions with a drumroll, like, "And the winner for the new Supreme Court Justice is...
insert dramatic pause
... drumroll emoji! #SCOTUSreveal."
It got to the point where I had Twitter alerts on just to keep up. My phone was like, "You have a new tweet from POTUS," and I was like, "Hold on, let me grab some popcorn. This is gonna be good!
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Can we talk about Trump's hair for a moment? I swear, that thing had a life of its own. I bet his hair had its own passport and a seat reserved on Air Force One. It's like a fluffy cloud that refused to be tethered to reality. I imagine Trump waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, and his hair saying, "Today, I think I'll go for the 'angry tumbleweed' look. It's a winner." And you know, people would analyze his speeches, policies, and I'm over here thinking, "Forget the State of the Union, what's the state of that hair? Is it having a good day or a bad day?"
It's a mystery to us all. Maybe that hair was the secret mastermind behind his whole operation. I wouldn't be surprised if it had its own Twitter account. #TrumpHair2024, anyone?
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You ever notice Trump's signature? It's like a rollercoaster on paper. Most people just scribble their name, but not Trump. His signature has more loops and twists than a Six Flags ride. I wouldn't be surprised if there were hidden messages in there, like "Help, I'm trapped in the Oval Office" in cursive. I bet his signature is a cry for attention. Like, "Look at me, I can sign things with flair!" I tried to mimic it once, and I ended up with something that looked like a drunk spider dipped its legs in ink and tap-danced across the page. Maybe that's the secret to success - a unique signature. Forget talent and hard work; just have a signature that confuses people.
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Remember when Trump was signing executive orders left and right? It was like he had a checklist of things he wanted to do before breakfast. I can imagine him in the Oval Office with a to-do list: "Build a wall, check. Ban immigrants, check. Rename a national park after myself, check. Make Twitter the official communication platform of the government, check." I half-expected him to sign an executive order declaring every Friday "National Hair Appreciation Day." Imagine that, a day dedicated to admiring Trump's hair. I can see it now: people gathering around TVs, holding hands, and saying, "Let us give thanks for the fluffiness that unites us all.
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