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Ladies and gentlemen, can we talk about Donald Trump becoming president for a moment? I mean, forget the policies, let's talk about that hair. I've seen more natural-looking things in a Halloween store. I'm convinced his hair is actually a sentient being. It's like a Tribble from Star Trek decided to take up residence on his head. I imagine every morning he wakes up, and the hair is like, "Alright, Donald, today we're going for the 'angry cotton candy' look." And he's just there with a can of hairspray, shouting, "Make America Hairspray Again!" I mean, come on, if he can control that hair, maybe he can solve world peace.
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You know what I miss the most about Trump being president? The tweets. Say what you want, but the man was a Twitter master. It was like every morning, he had a cup of coffee, a bowl of cereal, and then decided, "You know what the world needs? My unfiltered thoughts in 280 characters or less." I felt like I was waking up to a daily dose of presidential reality TV. It was like, "Previously on 'The United States of Trump.'" I mean, I'm just waiting for them to release a box set of his greatest hits. I can see it now, "Trump: The Twitter Years." It would be the only box set where you can't understand half of what's being said.
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Remember when Trump was meeting with other world leaders? It was like watching a crossover episode of a reality show and a political drama. He had this unique diplomatic strategy. It was like, "I'm gonna negotiate with North Korea, but first, let's see if they can beat me at golf." I mean, why not? I can just imagine Kim Jong-un thinking, "I can launch a missile, or I can try to get a hole in one and avoid World War III." It was high-stakes diplomacy, folks. And then he'd come back and tweet, "Just had the best round of golf with Kim, he's a tremendous guy. No nukes, just birdies.
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So, Trump leaving the White House. That was like the series finale of a reality show. It had drama, suspense, and a surprise ending. I half-expected him to turn to the camera and say, "You've been Trumped!" It was like watching the final episode of a show you hate to love. And then there was the whole leaving-the-note-for-Biden thing. I bet it was just a Post-it that said, "Good luck, Joe. P.S. The nuclear codes are taped to the bottom of the Oval Office desk." I mean, who knows? Maybe Trump left a scavenger hunt for the new president. "Find the secret service agent who hid my hair gel, and you'll find the launch codes." It's like a political version of 'National Treasure.
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