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You ever notice how people pretend to like certain things just to fit in? Like kale. Who really enjoys eating kale? I think people just want to feel sophisticated by saying, "Oh, I love a good kale salad." No, you don't. You're lying. The only good thing about kale is that it makes other foods look even more delicious in comparison. And what about small talk? We all pretend to enjoy it. "Hey, how's the weather?" I don't care about the weather, Susan! But we smile and nod like it's the most thrilling conversation we've had all day.
Let's all agree to be a little more honest. If you don't like something, just say it. No more pretending to enjoy kale or discussing the weather like it's breaking news.
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You ever notice how some things in life should come with instructions, but they just don't? Like adulting, for example. Where's the manual for that? They give you a diploma after college, but there's no guidebook on how to handle taxes, insurance, or the emotional rollercoaster of picking a Netflix show to watch for the night. And don't get me started on assembling furniture. You buy a bookshelf, and suddenly you're in the middle of a DIY project that requires an engineering degree. I'm pretty sure I've accidentally created some modern art pieces while attempting to put together a simple coffee table.
I propose a new law: If it requires assembly, it comes with a step-by-step guide. We shouldn't need an engineering background to set up a bookshelf!
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You know, there are certain things in life that I just can't seem to remember. Like, where did I put my car keys? It's like they have a secret society or something. I swear, they're probably having a party with the missing socks from my laundry. And then there's that awkward moment when someone you vaguely know says, "Hey, remember that thing we talked about last time?" I'm standing there like a detective in a bad crime movie trying to piece together clues. "Uh, thing... last time? Refresh my memory, please!"
I've started pretending I have a secret talent for selective amnesia. "Oh, that thing we discussed last time? Of course, I remember! I was just testing you to see if you were paying attention." It's all about confidence, folks.
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We all have those things we do in private but won't admit to in public. Like talking to ourselves. We've all had full-on conversations with the mirror or rehearsed a speech while pretending the shampoo bottle is an attentive audience. And don't act like you haven't given yourself a pep talk before a big date. "You got this! You're charming, funny, and definitely not awkward." Or what about singing in the shower? The acoustics are fantastic, and for those few minutes, I'm convinced I'm the next big pop sensation. But the moment the water stops, so does my vocal talent.
Let's embrace these quirks we all share. Maybe if we admit to them, we'll find out we're not as weird as we think. Or maybe we are, but at least we'll be weird together.
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