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Why did Robert De Niro become a gardener? Because he wanted to 'Meet the Fockers'!
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Did you hear about Robert De Niro's invention? It's a 'Raging Bull'dozer!
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Why did Robert De Niro become a painter? He wanted to 'Brush' up on his skills!
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What's Robert De Niro's favorite movie snack? 'Cape Fear'fully buttered popcorn!
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Why did Robert De Niro open a bakery? Because he wanted to make some 'goodfellas'!
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I told my therapist I've been having De Niro dreams every night. She said, 'Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something.' I said, 'Yeah, it's telling me I need a better agent for my dreams.'
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They say eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, Robert De Niro's eyes are more like security cameras – they don't miss a thing. I tried winking at him once, and he winked back with such intensity, I think I signed a contract for a 'Taxi Driver' sequel unintentionally.
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I saw Robert De Niro at a coffee shop. I wanted to approach him, but I thought, 'What if he thinks I'm trying to audition for a sequel of 'Meet the Parents'? I can already hear him saying, 'You can't milk that joke anymore.'
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You ever notice how Robert De Niro can convey a thousand emotions with just a single expression? I tried it at work, and my boss thought I was having a meltdown. Now I'm on 'paid emotional leave.'
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I tried to invite Robert De Niro to my party, but he sent a message saying, 'I can't refuse an offer I never received.' Now every time I get ignored, I just tell myself, 'Must be a De Niro thing.'
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I tried to impress my date by doing a Robert De Niro impression. She looked at me and said, 'Are you talking to me?' I replied, 'No, I'm practicing for when De Niro shows up – gotta be prepared.'
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I admire Robert De Niro's versatility – from 'Raging Bull' to 'Meet the Fockers.' It's like going from a heavyweight champion to a dad trying not to embarrass his son-in-law. If that's not range, I don't know what is.
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I asked Robert De Niro for life advice. He said, 'You talkin' to me?' I said, 'Yes, I am.' He replied, 'Well, stop it – I'm still figuring out my own life.'
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You know you've made it when Robert De Niro gives you that classic 'Goodfellas' stare. I tried it on my cat, and now she thinks I'm in the mob. I caught her practicing 'meowfia' scenes in the backyard.
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