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You know, I recently got into a discussion with some folks from PETA – you know, the people who love animals more than humans. I mean, I love animals too, but these guys take it to a whole new level. They're like, "Save the whales, save the dolphins, save the butterflies, save the ants." I'm waiting for them to start a campaign to save the microbes. "Stop using hand sanitizer, you're killing millions of tiny creatures!" But seriously, they're dedicated. I respect that. Although sometimes I wonder if they care more about animals than they do about people. Like, you'll see them protesting with signs that read, "Save the chickens, don't eat eggs!" And I'm just there thinking, "But what about the poor chickens? Don't they want a break?
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You've got to hand it to PETA; they're committed to their cause. I heard they once offered the town of Hamburg, New York, $15,000 to change its name to Veggieburg. They really wanted to make a point. But honestly, I think they'd have more success convincing McDonald's to serve tofu burgers than convincing an entire town to change its name. And they're always after fast-food chains to introduce vegan options. But sometimes I wonder if they've been to a fast-food joint. Asking for vegan options in a burger place is like going to the library and asking for a Whopper. It just doesn't add up!
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PETA's also got this thing about fashion. They're always after people for wearing fur. I get it, they want to protect animals. But have you seen their alternative suggestions? They're like, "Wear faux fur! It's just as good!" Sure, because nothing says 'fashionable' like walking around in a coat that looks like it's made out of shredded bathmats. And then they have these celebrities posing naked for their "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign. But sometimes I think the animals are looking at those photos and going, "You know what? We'd rather have you wear the fur." I mean, these celebrities posing naked for PETA probably need more fur than the animals do!
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PETA's got these extreme tactics, like throwing red paint on people wearing fur coats. That's their way of saying, "Hey, you're wearing death!" I'm just waiting for the day they start throwing red paint on people wearing leather jackets. Can you imagine that? "Congratulations, you're wearing a cow! Here's some paint to remind you!" They're so extreme, they once tried to get a town to change its name from Fishkill because they thought it promoted violence against fish. I mean, really? That's like saying New York City promotes cannibalism because it's called the Big Apple.
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