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PETA suggested replacing the Punxsutawney Phil tradition with a robot groundhog to avoid stressing the real one. Because nothing says "Happy Groundhog Day" like a cold, lifeless machine predicting the weather. "Looks like six more weeks of circuit maintenance, folks!
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PETA once criticized a video game for promoting violence against digital animals. I can imagine them protesting Mario for jumping on innocent turtles. "It's-a me, a hypocrite!" I can see it now, Mario joining an animal rights support group.
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PETA wants to replace leather with vegan leather made from mushrooms. Can you imagine a mushroom jacket? "Is that a new trend or did you forget to clean out your fridge?" It's like wearing a salad, but less crunchy.
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PETA criticized Pokémon for promoting animal cruelty. Yeah, because every time I see Pikachu, I think, "That's a real threat to animal welfare." Next thing you know, they'll be picketing outside Pokémon Go events.
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PETA claims that fish are intelligent and sensitive beings. I'm just waiting for them to start advocating for fish therapy sessions. "My goldfish has unresolved childhood issues, and we need to talk about it.
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PETA wants to change the name of fish to "sea kittens" to make people think twice about eating them. Well, I don't know about you, but I've never craved a sea kitten sandwich. "Can I get that with extra purr-mesan?
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You know, PETA is like that friend who's a vegetarian but never misses a chance to tell you about it. They're the vegans of the animal rights movement. "Hey, did you know plants have feelings too?" Yeah, PETA, I'll make sure to console my salad next time.
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PETA once asked people to stop using anti-animal language, like calling someone a "chicken" for being afraid. So, next time you're scared, just tell your friend, "Wow, you're such a tofu." It's animal-friendly and slightly more confusing.
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PETA once asked people to stop using the phrase "bring home the bacon" and suggested "bring home the bagels" instead. Because nothing says success like carb-loading. "I got a promotion, honey! Let's celebrate with extra cream cheese.
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