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Joke Types
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Why did the oxymoron refuse to eat a jumbo shrimp? It was afraid it might become a small giant!
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My new calendar is truly an oxymoron. It's a 'planned surprise' every day!
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I love working with numbers. They add up to become my favorite kind of math!
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I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it—especially if it's invisible!
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Why did the vegetarian break up with the salad? It just wasn't his type, too leafy!
Small Crowd
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I performed for a 'small crowd' the other night. You know, they say, It's a small crowd, like that's supposed to make you feel better. Well, I've never seen a small crowd, but apparently, it's the only one that shows up when I'm telling jokes. Thanks, universe.
Deafening Silence
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Ever notice how the silence in a room can be deafening? It's like everyone collectively agreed to take a vow of silence, and now we're all just staring at each other, waiting for the first brave soul to break the sound barrier. Spoiler alert: it's never me.
Original Copy
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I saw a sign the other day that said, Original Copy. I'm sorry, what now? That's like saying, Freshly frozen. Can something be both original and a copy? Imagine if Shakespeare had said, To be or not to be... the original copy.
Pretty Ugly
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You ever been called 'pretty ugly'? It's like a backhanded compliment decided to play both sides. Oh, thanks for noticing my unique blend of attractiveness and...not-so-much-ness. It's the kind of compliment that leaves you questioning your entire existence.
Jumbo Shrimp
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You ever stop and think about the term 'jumbo shrimp'? I mean, come on! It's like they're trying to confuse us. Are they big or are they small? Make up your mind, shrimp! It's like calling me an 'expert beginner' – yeah, I'm an expert at being confused.
Act Naturally
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You know, people always say, Just act naturally. But have you ever tried acting naturally? It's the most unnatural thing you can do! It's like telling a penguin, Just fly naturally. Sure, let me just gracefully soar through the air with these non-existent wings.
Same Difference
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People always say, It's the same difference. Really? Because last time I checked, 'same' and 'difference' were opposites. It's like saying, This pizza is both hot and cold – it's the same difference. No, Karen, it's just confusing.
Awfully Good
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You ever hear something described as 'awfully good'? It's like, are we praising it or complaining? Oh, this food is awfully good – is that a compliment or a subtle cry for help? I don't know, but if it tastes good, I'll take the awfully good confusion any day.
Clearly Confused
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Have you ever been so confused that you're 'clearly confused'? Yeah, me too. It's that state of mind where you're pretty sure you have no idea what's going on, but at least you're transparent about it. I'm clearly confused, but at least I'm owning it!
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