bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
Hey, everybody! So, I recently got a note from my ghost writer that just said, "on your knees." Now, before you start thinking this is some weird comedy initiation, let me clarify. They were talking about proposing! Yeah, apparently, that's the down-on-your-knees moment. Now, I don't know about you, but the last time I was on my knees, it was to look for my lost TV remote under the couch. And let me tell you, that wasn't nearly as romantic. I mean, who came up with this tradition? Imagine proposing in the middle of a busy sidewalk. People would be like, "Is he proposing or tying his shoelaces? Is she saying yes or just helping him find his contact lens?" Maybe that's how "lost in love" was coined. It's not being lost in each other's eyes; it's trying to find the darn ring you dropped in the grass!
So, if you're planning to pop the question, make sure you stretch first. You don't want to pull a muscle in the most important moment of your life. And if you see me on my knees, it's probably because I dropped my sandwich. Priorities, people!
0
0
You know you're an adult when the highlight of your day is finding an extra cookie at the bottom of the jar. I got this note from my ghost writer that just said, "on your knees." I thought they were suggesting I clean the kitchen floor, but no, it was all about the cookie jar. Have you ever been caught red-handed with your hand in the cookie jar? It's like being caught committing a crime. "What are you doing?" they ask. And you're there, cookie crumbs on your face, trying to come up with a plausible excuse. "Uh, just checking for foreign substances. It's a safety inspection!"
But let's be real, cookies are a serious matter. They have this magical power to turn a bad day into a good one. I mean, if I had a genie, my three wishes would be "more cookies, eternal cookies, and world peace, as long as there are cookies involved." Who needs world peace when you have a chocolate chip cookie? It's the real universal language.
0
0
I recently had car trouble, and the mechanic told me to get down on my knees to check something under the hood. Now, I don't know much about cars, but I'm pretty sure my sedan doesn't respond well to prayer. "Hail Mary, full of grace, please let this be a cheap fix!" And mechanics have this uncanny ability to diagnose car problems by listening to weird engine noises. It's like they speak a secret car language. They'll say, "Your alternator is acting up," and I'm nodding like I know what that is. In reality, I'm just hoping it's not a $500 "car-tastrophy."
So, there I am, on my knees, praying to the car gods, hoping my vehicle forgives me for that one time I tried to change the oil and ended up with more oil on me than in the engine. Moral of the story: If your car is making strange noises, don't just kneel down and pray. Take it to a mechanic who speaks fluent "auto-ese.
0
0
I've been trying to get in shape lately. You know, New Year's resolution and all that. My ghost writer told me, "on your knees," and I thought, "Great, now my personal trainer is haunting me." But no, it turns out they meant doing squats at the gym. Who knew "on your knees" could be so fitness-related? So, there I am, trying to impress everyone at the gym, attempting squats like I know what I'm doing. But honestly, it looks more like I'm practicing a bizarre form of interpretive dance. And don't get me started on those fitness enthusiasts who treat the gym like their own personal runway. They're doing lunges like they're auditioning for a part in a superhero movie. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying not to fall over during a basic squat.
And the soreness the next day? It's like my legs are on a protest strike. I walk down the stairs, and it's like my knees have gone on vacation without me. So, here's a fitness tip: If you want a good workout, just spend a day trying to get up after doing squats. It's the real struggle!
Post a Comment