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Martial arts movies make breaking boards seem easy. In real life, attempting to break a board feels less like a badass moment and more like trying to negotiate with an inanimate object: "Come on, wood, we talked about this! Just split already!
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Martial arts classes are great for self-defense, they say. But here's the thing: after a few sessions, you start seeing potential threats everywhere. Suddenly, your harmless grandma reaching for a hug looks like she's about to pull off a ninja move!
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The best part of martial arts classes? The loud kiap sounds during practice. It's like a room full of people attempting to summon their inner warrior but ending up sounding like a choir of surprised chickens.
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In martial arts, they teach you to control your breathing for maximum power. But when you're sparring and your opponent's punch is hurtling toward your face, all that practice goes out the window, and you end up sounding like you're blowing out birthday candles in panic.
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You know you're in a serious martial arts studio when the instructors talk about discipline and focus. Meanwhile, half the class is trying not to giggle every time they have to do a "serious face" during practice.
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I joined a martial arts class thinking I'd be the next Bruce Lee. Turns out, I'm more like Bruce "Tea." My kicks are less high-flying crane and more like a wobbly flamingo trying to keep balance.
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Martial arts has taught me one important thing: no matter how cool you think you look doing those high kicks, you'll always end up looking like you're auditioning for a part in a low-budget action movie... that never gets made.
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Have you ever noticed how martial arts movies make every fight scene look like a choreographed dance? I mean, in real life, if someone threw a punch at me, I wouldn't gracefully spin out of the way like a ballerina—I'd probably just awkwardly duck and stumble!
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Watching martial arts tournaments is intense. Everyone's silently rooting for their favorite fighter, except for that one guy who thinks he's giving telepathic instructions and keeps shouting, "Kick him in the... Oh, never mind!
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