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Joke Types
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Why did the bicycle fall over when the kid tried to ride it? Because it was two-tired!
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What did one plate say to another at the kids' dinner table? Tonight, we're going to be stacked!
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Why did the kid bring a ladder to the dessert table? They heard the cupcakes were on another level!
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Why did the kid take a ladder to the bank? To get to the highest interest rates!
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Why did the kid bring a ladder to the science lab? They wanted to reach the highest level of chemistry!
The Homework Helpline
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My kids have this incredible homework helpline – it's called Dad. They call me with questions like, What's the square root of procrastination? or Can you help me negotiate peace in the kitchen? I've become the 24/7 support line for life's little challenges.
Homework Excuse Bingo
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Homework excuses have become an art form for my kids. I'm thinking of turning it into a game – Homework Excuse Bingo! Oh, sorry, Dad, I can't finish my assignment because aliens abducted my pencil. I'd probably lose, but at least it would make parent-teacher conferences more entertaining.
Dad's Snack Tax
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I've implemented a new policy at home – the Dad's Snack Tax. Every time my kids want a snack, they have to pay a small tax in the form of a hug or a compliment. I'm basically running a snack-based economy. I've even considered introducing a snack credit score.
Kid Cryptocurrency
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Move over Bitcoin, I'm investing in the future – Kid Cryptocurrency. My daughter's room is like a mining rig – she leaves it messy, and I have to dig through the clutter to find my sanity. I'm just waiting for her to ask for an increase in her allowance in Dadcoin.
Youthful Negotiators
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My kids are like tiny negotiators in training. They've got tactics that would make a used car salesman proud. Last week, my son tried to convince me that broccoli is a dessert in disguise. I almost fell for it. Almost.
Tiny Labor Union
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I'm contemplating forming a tiny labor union at home. Imagine my kids negotiating better bedtime terms. They'd come to me like, Dad, we demand an extra 30 minutes of screen time, or we're on strike! I'd probably cave in, but hey, at least they'll learn negotiation skills early.
Parental App Store
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I think parents should have their own app store. You know, where you can download the latest update for Teenager 2.0 or the patch for Toddler Tantrum Bug Fixes. And of course, there'd be a section for kids to put in cards, but with emojis, because why not express love with a virtual thumbs up?
Parental Time Travel
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I've discovered a secret superpower – parental time travel. I can go from feeling like a wise sage dispensing life advice to my kids, to being completely baffled by new-age lingo like Yeet and Bae. It's like I'm a time traveler stuck in the ultimate dad joke loop.
Bedtime Negotiation Olympics
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Bedtime at my house is like the Negotiation Olympics. My kids have tactics that would make world leaders jealous. But Dad, if I go to bed now, won't I miss the Late-Night Snack Championship? It's hard to argue with that level of strategic thinking.
Kid Coupons
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You know, I found this amazing new parenting hack – forget about allowances! I'm thinking of creating these coupons for my kids to put in cards. Congratulations, you've earned one free dishwasher emptying! I'll be the coolest parent on the block, handing out chore coupons like they're golden tickets.
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