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You know it's a bad day when even kidnappers are like, "Nah, let's find someone else. This person's life is too complicated.
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I'm thinking of starting a new business: "Rent-A-Kidnapper." For those days when life is too routine, and you just need a little excitement. "Spice up your week with a simulated life-threatening experience!
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I heard about this guy who got kidnapped and then returned. He said it was like being on a really intense, unplanned vacation. All-inclusive, except you pay with your sanity.
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Imagine being a kidnapper and realizing you've kidnapped someone who never stops talking. Suddenly, you're the one begging for mercy.
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Kidnapping has got to be the only job where you can literally say, "I'm not here to make friends," and mean it.
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Kidnappers must have a terrible GPS. "Take the third left after the red house, but not the one with the dog, he bites.
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I bet kidnappers have a group chat where they share stories like, "Guess what happened to me today? The guy I kidnapped wanted gluten-free bread with his sandwiches!
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Kidnappers must be the only criminals who have a "Customer Satisfaction" survey. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how was your kidnapping experience? Did our ransom demands meet your expectations?
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You ever notice how kidnappers always choose the most inconvenient times? Like, I've got deadlines, bills to pay, and suddenly a kidnapper thinks, "This is the perfect moment for an adventure!
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