5 Jokes For Kidnappers

Double Meaning Jokes

Updated on: Nov 13 2024

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Kidnap Victim

Trying to find humor while being in a terrifying situation.
You know it's a messed-up situation when you start giving the kidnapper tips on how to improve their ransom demands. 'Add a few emojis, maybe a GIF? Spice it up a bit.'

Negotiator Trying to Reason with Kidnappers

Keeping a straight face while negotiating absurd ransom demands.
The kidnapper asked for a helicopter for the ransom exchange. I said, 'Sure, do you want fries with that?' I mean, might as well upsell while negotiating for someone’s release.

Parent Dealing with Kidnappers

Balancing the seriousness of the situation with parental worry.
I told the kidnappers my kid is a picky eater. Good luck dealing with that. I'm sure they'll bring him back, probably with a 'no refunds' sign hanging around his neck.

Police Handling a Kidnapping Case

Dealing with bureaucracy while trying to solve a serious crime.
Ever had to negotiate with a kidnapper over the phone while your boss stands behind you giving advice? It’s like a high-stakes conference call where your job's on the line.

Neighbor Observing a Kidnapping

Being in an awkward position while witnessing a serious crime.
The kidnapper drove off in a rusty old car. I thought, 'If you're going to commit a crime, at least have a sense of style!'

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