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Kidnap Victim
Trying to find humor while being in a terrifying situation.
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You know it's a messed-up situation when you start giving the kidnapper tips on how to improve their ransom demands. 'Add a few emojis, maybe a GIF? Spice it up a bit.'
Negotiator Trying to Reason with Kidnappers
Keeping a straight face while negotiating absurd ransom demands.
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The kidnapper asked for a helicopter for the ransom exchange. I said, 'Sure, do you want fries with that?' I mean, might as well upsell while negotiating for someone’s release.
Parent Dealing with Kidnappers
Balancing the seriousness of the situation with parental worry.
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I told the kidnappers my kid is a picky eater. Good luck dealing with that. I'm sure they'll bring him back, probably with a 'no refunds' sign hanging around his neck.
Police Handling a Kidnapping Case
Dealing with bureaucracy while trying to solve a serious crime.
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Ever had to negotiate with a kidnapper over the phone while your boss stands behind you giving advice? It’s like a high-stakes conference call where your job's on the line.
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