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They say "home is where you hang your hat." Well, if my house is on fire, I guess it's where you hang your hat, grab your cat, and run like a track star!
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I've always wondered why they call it "fireproof" when no one ever says, "Hey, let's build a house; but make sure it's waterproof against all those rainy days!
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Ever notice how everyone becomes an architect when they see a fire? "Oh, you should've used asbestos!" Thanks, Bob, I'll remember that for my next house... or maybe not!
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I always thought "setting the house on fire" was just a metaphor for doing something drastic. Turns out, for some, it's just Tuesday's cooking gone wrong!
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You ever play that game as a kid where you'd pretend the floor is lava? Well, turns out, as adults, we upgrade to pretending the entire house is lava.
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I've realized that the phrase "hot property on the market" takes on a whole new meaning when your house is literally a hot property on the market... with flames and all.
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Isn't it funny how we've got all these smart home gadgets that can tell you when your milk's about to go bad but can't shout, "Hey, your house is about to go down!
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You know, they say home is where the heart is, but if my house is on fire, I'm pretty sure my heart's booking it down the street with my feet!
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Ever notice how they have all these fancy alarm systems for houses? "Oh, look, the temperature is slightly elevated!" How about an alarm that just screams, "Hey, your lasagna's burning, and so is everything else!
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