bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
You know, they say manners are important, even for hitmen. Can you imagine if there was a guidebook on hitman etiquette? "Rule #1: Always knock before entering someone's home to kill them. It's just common courtesy." And what about thank-you notes? "Dear Mr. Johnson, thank you for choosing our services. We hope you're resting peacefully. P.S. We appreciate your prompt payment."
I can just see hitmen attending charm school, learning how to make a killing look like an accident with a smile. "Remember, folks, it's not about the murder; it's about the experience."
And what's the deal with hitman small talk? "So, how's the family? Oh, right, I forgot, my bad."
In the end, it's all about professionalism. Even hitmen have standards. "I may be taking lives, but I always recycle. Gotta save the planet, right?
0
0
You know, folks, life can get tough, and sometimes you just want to escape from your problems, right? But who here has ever been so fed up with someone that they've jokingly said, "I should just hire a hitman"? Yeah, yeah, we've all been there. I was at that point once, and I thought, "You know what? I need a hitman app, like Uber for getting rid of annoying people in your life." Can you imagine that? Just open the app, select the person you want to eliminate, and boom, a hitman shows up in a Prius. "5 stars for a clean job, please!"
But seriously, can you imagine if there was a Yelp for hitmen? "Well, he was punctual, the job was done professionally, but he left a bit of a mess in the living room. 3 stars."
And the hitman industry must be tough. They probably have to deal with bad Yelp reviews too. "He didn't kill me, but he did take my lunch from the fridge. 1 star, would not recommend."
So, note to self: if you're going to hire a hitman, make sure to provide snacks and good Wi-Fi. You want them in a good mood when they're taking care of business.
0
0
You ever think about what a job interview for a hitman would be like? I imagine it's a strange process. You sit down, and the interviewer asks, "So, why do you want to be a hitman?" And you're just there like, "Well, I'm really good at problem-solving, and I have a black belt in karate." And then they probably have those weird situational questions, like, "If you had to eliminate someone at a crowded party, how would you do it without anyone noticing?" Can you imagine practicing that in front of a mirror?
And what about the resume? "Skills: Stealth, sharpshooting, good with poisons, excellent communication skills (for those last-minute change-of-plans situations)."
I can just picture it now: "I'm sorry, we're looking for someone with at least 5 years of experience in discreet disappearances. Do you have any references we can contact?
0
0
So, I heard about this guy who wanted to hire a hitman, but he got the numbers mixed up and accidentally called a bakery. Can you imagine that conversation? "Hello, is this the Hitman Bakery?"
"Bakery? No, this is Jim's Bakery. We make cakes and pastries. Not hits."
"Oops, my bad. Do you guys do red velvet?"
But seriously, I bet that baker was so confused. "I specialize in red velvet cupcakes, not velvet ropes and cover-ups!"
I wonder if the guy tried to play it off. "Yeah, I'll take a dozen of your finest hitman cupcakes, please. And make sure they're gluten-free, I'm trying to watch my figure.
Post a Comment