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Life is like a roller coaster, they say. Well, a heart attack is like getting stuck on the loop-de-loop without a safety harness. You're hanging there, thinking, "I didn't sign up for this ride! Can someone please hit the emergency stop button on my arteries?
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I recently read that stress can lead to a heart attack. So now, not only do I have to worry about my job, relationships, and taxes, but apparently, I also have to worry about my heart playing a high-stakes game of Jenga. "Don't pull that block, it's holding everything together!
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They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But let's be real, if I ate an apple every time I wanted a snack, I'd probably end up having a heart attack from sheer boredom. Give me some chocolate and let me live dangerously.
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Ever notice how life is like a game of Monopoly? You're rolling along, buying properties, and suddenly, out of nowhere, you draw the "Go Directly to the Cardiologist" card. It's like, "Great, now I have to mortgage Boardwalk to pay for medical bills.
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Have you ever noticed that a heart attack is like the uninvited party crasher of life? It doesn't RSVP, doesn't care about your plans, and shows up fashionably late when you least expect it. "Surprise! I'm here to spice up your evening with chest pain and shortness of breath!
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My doctor told me to reduce stress to avoid a heart attack. So, I tried meditating. Turns out, sitting in silence just gives my mind more time to think about all the stressful things in life. Now, I meditate with one eye open, watching out for stress like a ninja.
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You know you're getting older when you start worrying about your health. I used to worry about my favorite TV shows getting canceled, now I worry about myself getting canceled by a heart attack. It's like my body is threatening to change the channel on me.
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I've started taking my health more seriously. I even bought one of those fitness trackers. You know you're in trouble when your heart rate monitor sends you a passive-aggressive notification: "Are you sure you want to binge-watch another season? Your heart is working overtime down here!
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They say laughter is the best medicine, but I'm pretty sure it can't cure a heart attack. I mean, I've tried telling a joke to my arteries, but they just look at me like, "Really? Now?" Guess my heart has no sense of humor.
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