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You know, wedding vows and divorce decrees should come with a translation guide. Like, when you say, "for better or for worse," it really means, "until you leave your dirty socks on the floor one too many times." And "till death do us part" translates to "unless you start leaving the toothpaste cap off, then all bets are off." It's like we need a pre-marital attorney to interpret those vows. "Your Honor, he promised to cherish and honor, but I caught him forgetting to take out the trash last night!" And imagine if we had to recite the divorce decree at the end. "I, John, hereby surrender the remote control and agree to never complain about your mother's cooking again." Now that's a ceremony I'd pay to see.
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You know, they say that half of all marriages end in divorce. I mean, what a way to start a marriage, right? "I love you so much, let's get married! Oh, and by the way, there's a 50-50 chance we'll hate each other in a few years." It's like playing marriage roulette. And have you noticed how people talk about divorce rates like they're giving you the weather forecast? "Oh, honey, there's a 30% chance of divorce today, better grab an umbrella... or a prenup!" It's like the Weather Channel for relationships. "Today's forecast: a storm of emotions, followed by a chance of alimony.
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I was watching divorce court the other day, and I couldn't help but think, this is the real reality show we need. Forget about people eating bugs in the jungle; let's watch real people arguing over who gets the cat and the DVD collection. It's like Judge Judy meets The Bachelor. And the drama in divorce court is off the charts. You've got lawyers going at it, spouses throwing shade, and the judge playing referee like it's a heavyweight boxing match. I half expect the audience to start chanting, "Divorce! Divorce! Divorce!" It's the only courtroom where the judge might declare a mistrial due to emotional instability.
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You ever notice how marriage turns mathematicians into poets? "In the beginning, we were two wholes that made a beautiful one." Yeah, until you realize that one is actually just half of what you used to be. Marriage turns mathematicians into experts in fractions. Suddenly, 1 + 1 equals 0.5. And the divorce rates make you question your arithmetic skills. You start doing the math before proposing. "Let's see, if half end in divorce, and I've had two failed relationships before, does that mean my chances are 25%?" It's like trying to solve a quadratic equation with your heart.
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