17 Jokes For Divorce Rates

Puns

Updated on: Jun 10 2025

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I used to think marriage was a word. Then I realized it's a sentence... a life sentence!
I used to believe in love at first sight. Then I got divorced. Now I believe in taking a second look!
Marriage is grand – and divorce? Oh, that's at least 10 grand!
Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, and sometimes it makes you want to puke.
Why did the marriage go to court? It couldn't find a fair resolution!
My friend said his marriage was like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you're looking for a club and a spade!
Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one!

Divorce rates are so high, I heard they're considering adding a 'sponsored by IKEA' sticker to marriage certificates!

You know, it's like they're saying, Hey, if this doesn't work out, at least you'll have some stylish furniture to divide equally!
Divorce rates are skyrocketing. It's gotten to the point where wedding planners are considering a new business model – instead of 'Happily Ever After,' it's 'Let's Not Get Our Hopes Up!'
They say the divorce rates are high due to financial disagreements. I guess 'for richer or for poorer' is just too much of a financial gamble these days!
I read somewhere that the divorce rates are so high that they're planning to start a loyalty program: 'Get divorced five times, and the sixth one's on us!'
The divorce rates are so high that I heard divorce lawyers are having a 'Bring Your Ex to Work Day' just to keep up with the demand!
Divorce rates are so high that the new pickup line is, 'Are you a marriage? Because statistically, you probably won't work out!'
They say the divorce rates are so high because of irreconcilable differences. I think the main difference is between what you think marriage is gonna be like and what it actually turns out to be!
Divorce rates are through the roof. Nowadays, couples break up over the silliest things. I mean, I know someone who filed for divorce because their partner couldn't decide what to watch on Netflix!
I heard divorce rates are so high that they're planning to introduce a Divorce Fair. You know, instead of a bridal shower, you get a 'split party' with half of your friends!
You know divorce rates are high when they've started replacing the traditional wedding cake with a 'pre-divorce cake.' It's like, 'Congratulations, here's a cake to celebrate your commitment... until further notice.'

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