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Divorce is like a tornado. It starts with a lot of sucking, and then someone loses a trailer.
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Divorce is the only time you're awarded something for good behavior – it's called alimony!
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I asked my ex-wife if she ever regretted getting a divorce. She said, 'Never. But I do miss ruining your life.
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I told my ex-spouse I'd always be there for them. Just not in the same house or under the same legal agreement.
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I told my ex-spouse we should go our separate ways, but they insisted on dividing the assets... and the DVDs.
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