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Assume" is the magic word that transforms anyone into a self-proclaimed mind reader. Like, you're at a party, and your friend says, "Assume you know what I'm thinking right now." Dude, last time I tried that, I guessed "pizza," and he was actually contemplating world peace.
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You know you're in trouble when your boss starts a sentence with, "Assume you're going to handle a new project." That's corporate speak for, "Get ready to Google your way through it and hope for the best.
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I love how teachers use "Assume you did your homework" as a subtle accusation. It's like saying, "I'm not saying you didn't do it, but if your dog ate it, just assume I'm onto you.
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Assume" is the superhero of vague explanations. It swoops in when someone doesn't want to give you the full story. Like, "How did the cake turn out?" "Well, I followed the recipe, but then I had to assume a few things." Translation: It's a chocolate disaster.
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Relationships are like a game of assumption. You're sitting there, and your partner gives you that look, and you're like, "Assume I know what I did wrong." Spoiler alert: You probably left the toilet seat up again.
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Parenting is the ultimate "assume" challenge. You're just there, winging it every day, assuming that your kid won't ask why the sky is blue right after you've confidently explained that the grass is green.
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You ever notice how when someone says, "Assume," it's basically just a fancy way of saying, "I have no idea, but let's pretend like I do"? I mean, if assuming made experts, we'd all be doctors diagnosing ourselves on WebMD by now.
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Assume" is the battle cry of procrastinators everywhere. When you've had a task on your to-do list for weeks, and someone asks if you've finished it, just say, "I've been assuming it would take care of itself.
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Why do GPS devices say, "Assume you've arrived at your destination" when you clearly haven't? I'm still in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by cows, assuming my car knows something I don't.
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