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Why did the scarecrow assume a leadership role? He was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the chicken assume it could be a comedian? It wanted to crack everyone up!
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Why did the tomato assume it was a fruit? Because it couldn't ketchup with the veggies!
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I assumed I could make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
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Why did the cat assume it could be an astronaut? It wanted to explore new heights – and naps in zero gravity!
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Why did the chef assume the soup was too salty? He took it with a grain of salt!
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Why did the mathematician assume he could solve every problem? Because he had too many 'solutions'!
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Never assume I'm an expert, but I can tell you the square root of onion is tears.
Assume You Know What Happens Next
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You know, they say when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. But honestly, I've been assuming a lot lately, and let me tell you, it's mostly just making an ass out of me. My neighbor assumed I'd water his plants while he was away. I assumed I'd remember. Now, let's just say I'm single-handedly responsible for a new desert ecosystem.
Assume the Best, Prepare for the Worst
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Ever tried that assume the best, prepare for the worst strategy? Yeah, well, I assumed my cooking would be the highlight of Thanksgiving. I prepared by stocking up on fire extinguishers. Turns out, the turkey wasn't the only thing that got roasted.
Never Assume, Always Ask
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My grandma used to say, Never assume; always ask. Solid advice until she assumed I was her favorite grandchild. I had to break it to her gently when I handed her a World's Okayest Grandma mug for her birthday.
Assume the Position
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Ever heard the phrase assume the position? Yeah, it's when you're in yoga class, and the instructor assumes everyone knows what downward dog means. Spoiler alert: I thought it was a new breed of canine.
Assume Makes a Donkey Out of Me
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I tried to get fancy with my job interview. I read all the company reviews and assumed they'd be impressed if I knew about their CEO's favorite ice cream flavor. Turns out, they were more interested in my qualifications. Who knew?
Assume the Gender Reveal
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I went to a gender reveal party assuming I'd see a pink or blue cake. Instead, they released a bunch of balloons. Now I'm just confused. Is it a boy, a girl, or just a really enthusiastic balloon salesman?
Assume Nothing, Expect Anything
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They say, Assume nothing, expect anything. So, when my friend said he had a surprise for me, I assumed it would be a gift. Instead, he showed up with a pet snake named Surprise. Thanks, I hate it.
Assume It's a Piece of Cake
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I thought renovating my house would be a piece of cake. I assumed I had the skills after binge-watching three seasons of a home makeover show. Now my living room looks like it belongs in a before segment.
Assume I'm Right
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People tell me to assume I'm right and move forward. Well, I assumed my GPS was infallible. Now, thanks to a shortcut through a cow pasture, I'm considering a career change to farming.
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