bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
You know, I recently started going to this new bar in town. They've got this special deal for alcoholics - it's called a "happy hour." Now, I'm not saying it's just for alcoholics, but if you see the same faces there every day, you start to wonder if they're there for the half-priced wings or the discounted therapy session. I overheard a guy at the bar the other day saying, "I only drink on days that end in 'Y'." I thought, well, that's commitment to a schedule. But hey, it's important to have hobbies, right? Some people collect stamps; he collects regrets.
0
0
Can we talk about the evolution of drunk texting? It used to be simple – a few typos, maybe some questionable emojis. Now, it's like composing a Shakespearean tragedy in 280 characters or less. I received a text the other night that said, "I love you more than pizza, and that's saying something." Now, that's a bold statement. Pizza has never let me down; relationships, on the other hand... And don't get me started on those late-night philosophical texts. I got one that said, "If time is a social construct, then so are hangovers." I think they might be onto something – maybe we should start a revolution against morning headaches and regret.
0
0
You know, they say every group of friends has that one responsible person who's the designated driver. In my group, that person is always the one who can't hold their liquor. They volunteer because they know they won't be tempted. It's like having a vegetarian as the barbecue chef - they're not going to eat the burgers, but they'll make sure they're cooked perfectly. I was the designated driver once, and let me tell you, nothing tests your patience more than trying to herd a bunch of drunk people into a car. It's like trying to organize a flock of intoxicated geese. "Come on, guys, this way! No, not towards the food truck, we're going home!
0
0
You ever notice how alcoholics have their own code language? Like, when they say, "I'm just going out for a couple of drinks," what they really mean is, "I've already planned my breakfast for tomorrow, and it's going to be Advil with a side of regret." I tried to cut back on drinking once. Went to a support group, and the first thing they said was, "Admitting you have a problem is the first step." Well, I admit I have a problem – I can't stop buying drinks for people who already have a drink in their hand.
Post a Comment