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I recently got into a relationship, and it's a whole different kind of pledge. You know, there should be a relationship pledge that goes like this: "I pledge allegiance to my partner, even when they leave their socks all over the place and never replace the toilet paper." And let's not forget the part about promising not to hog the blanket in the middle of the night. It's a tough commitment, folks.
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Adulting is hard, isn't it? There should be an adulting pledge. "I pledge allegiance to paying bills on time, pretending to understand taxes, and attempting to cook a meal without burning the kitchen down." And don't even get me started on folding fitted sheets. I think I need a master's degree just for that. Can someone please invent a folding machine for those things?
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You know, they say the Pledge of Allegiance is a great way to start your day, right? But let's be honest, it's a little outdated. I mean, do we really need to pledge allegiance to a flag every morning? I tried updating it the other day. Instead of "I pledge allegiance to the flag," I said, "I pledge allegiance to hitting the snooze button at least three times." Turns out, my bed wasn't too happy about that.
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Who here goes to the gym? Yeah? Well, you know there's an unspoken pledge at the gym, right? You walk in, and everyone's lifting these massive weights, and you're over there struggling with the 5-pound dumbbells. I tried making my own gym pledge: "I pledge allegiance to finishing at least one set without checking my phone and pretending it's an important call." Let's just say, my gym buddies weren't too impressed.
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