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Why did the patient bring a ladder to the hospital? Because he wanted to see the top floor!
Patients in Hospitals
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You know you're spending too much time in hospitals when the receptionist starts greeting you by name. I walked in, and she said, Oh, Mr. Hilarious is back! I think they're just happy to have someone whose heart rate increases for reasons other than panic.
Patients in Hospitals
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Ever notice how hospital beds are both the most uncomfortable and the most comfortable places on Earth? It's like they designed them to be a paradox. You sink into the mattress thinking, Ah, this is heavenly, and then five minutes later, you're adjusting yourself, trying to find a position that doesn't make you feel like a pretzel.
Patients in Hospitals
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Being in a hospital is like being in a hotel, except the room service is a bit more aggressive. Last night, a nurse came in and said, It's time for your medication. I thought, Great, I ordered the aspirin with a side of 'please don't let me see the bill.'
Patients in Hospitals
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You know you're in a hospital when even the bedpans are getting more attention than you. I mean, they have wheels! I tried rolling myself out of there, but the nurse caught me and said, Sir, the only thing we're wheeling out today is your dignity.
Patients in Hospitals
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Hospitals have this incredible ability to turn every sneeze into a potential international crisis. You let out a tiny cough, and suddenly the whole medical team rushes in like it's a code red. I just wanted to say, Relax, folks, it's allergies, not the zombie apocalypse.
Patients in Hospitals
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Have you noticed how hospital gowns are basically fashion statements for the backside? I walked into the ward, and everyone was admiring my latest designer look called Exposing Elegance. I'm telling you, Paris Fashion Week has nothing on the ER runway.
Patients in Hospitals
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The waiting room in hospitals is a magical place where time stands still. I sat there for so long; I started to believe I was in a parallel universe. I asked the receptionist, Is there a time dilation field in here? She replied, No, just a really slow Wi-Fi. I think I aged a year waiting for my turn.
Patients in Hospitals
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Hospitals are the only place where it's perfectly acceptable to wear socks with traction. I've been sliding down those shiny corridors like a penguin on ice. If they're trying to make patients feel at home, they should throw in a few banana peels for good measure.
Patients in Hospitals
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The hospital has a strict no self-diagnosis policy. I tried telling the doctor my symptoms, and he said, Let's leave the diagnosing to the professionals. I thought, Well, if I could afford professionals, I wouldn't be here Googling 'why does my elbow make that weird noise.'
Patients in Hospitals
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The food in hospitals is like a mystery box challenge from a cooking show. I asked the nurse what was on the menu, and she said, Well, it's a surprise. Let me tell you, if the surprise is anything like yesterday's mystery meatloaf, I'm considering checking out early.
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