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Joke Types
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Why did the menu bring a pencil to the party? It wanted to draw attention!
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What did the chef say to the menu? 'You can't make everyone happy; you're not a dessert.
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I told the waiter I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. He gave me a menu without prices.
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I told the waiter I'm allergic to peanuts. He suggested I order from the vegan menu. Thanks, but I'm not allergic to joy.
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I ordered a pizza from the vegan menu. It came with no toppings. Just a note saying, 'Think about what you've done.
The Mystery of the Secret Menu
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I went to this hipster place, and they had a secret menu. It's so secret that even the staff doesn't know about it. I asked the waiter, What's on the secret menu? He looked around, leaned in, and whispered, I have no idea, but if you figure it out, let me know!
The Vegetable Conspiracy
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Why do they always sneak veggies into dishes without warning? I ordered a pizza, and suddenly there's a forest of mushrooms hidden under the cheese. It's a vegetable conspiracy! I didn't sign up for a salad with a crust; I just wanted a plain, honest-to-goodness heart attack on a plate.
The Menu Anecdote
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Menus should come with stories about the dishes. I ordered the chicken, and the waiter said, Ah, the chicken! Legend has it, it was raised by monks in the Himalayas and serenaded with lullabies every night. I just wanted a meal, not a poultry bedtime story!
Menu Jargon
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Menus nowadays have this fancy jargon that makes everything sound like a Shakespearean drama. I ordered a salad, and the menu described it as a symphony of organic greens, caressed by the gentle whisper of a balsamic breeze. I just wanted lettuce, not a poetry recital!
Menu Mind Games
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Ever notice how restaurants use psychology on their menus? They put the most expensive item at the top, so when you're scanning, you think, Well, I've already seen the price, might as well go all out. It's like they're playing mind chess with us, and I'm just over here trying not to get checkmated by a steak!
The Art of Menu Size
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Some menus are like novels, and some are like haikus. I went to this place, and their menu had three items. I asked the waiter if they had more choices. He said, No, but we're really good at those three. It's quality over quantity, they say. I call it a culinary cliffhanger.
Menu Madness
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You ever notice how restaurant menus are like novels now? I asked the waiter for a recommendation, and he handed me a 10-page essay with footnotes and a bibliography. I just wanted a sandwich, not a culinary thesis. Last time I checked, I didn't need a Ph.D. to order a burger!
Menu Punctuation Problems
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Ever notice how menu descriptions never end with a period? It's always an exclamation mark, like the chef is yelling at you to be excited about your choice. Try the pasta! It will change your life! I just want a meal, not a motivational speaker on a plate!
Menu Typography Matters
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I went to a restaurant where the menu had a font so fancy I needed a magnifying glass to read it. By the time I deciphered the first item, my hunger had evolved into a full-blown existential crisis. Note to restaurants: If I need a cryptographer to order, you're doing it wrong!
The Menu Conundrum
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Ever get handed a menu and feel like you're in a game show? The waiter hands it to you, the timer starts, and you have to make a decision before the Jeopardy music ends. I always panic and order the first thing I see. Congratulations, I just won the Hasty Decision jackpot!
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