16 Jokes For Medium

Puns

Updated on: Aug 19 2024

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What do you call a medium who can talk to aquatic spirits? A clam-voyant!
How do mediums prefer their coffee? With a touch of 'otherworldly presence'!
How do mediums communicate in secret? They use telepath-tea!
How do you know if a medium has a great sense of humor? They keep their séances light-hearted!
What do you call a medium who's a great musician? A symphonic psychic!
Why did the medium go to school? To improve its channeling skills!

My Psychic Abilities Are on a Budget—Only Sense Coupons and Discount Codes

I wish I could predict the lottery numbers, but my psychic powers are more focused on predicting when the next sale at the grocery store is. It's like I have a coupon radar.

My Medium Skills: I Can Predict When the Microwave Will Ding

I've got this supernatural talent where I can sense exactly when the microwave is about to finish. It's like my sixth sense is tuned into the frequency of reheated leftovers.

Being a Medium in a Pandemic: Ghosts Are Social Distancing Too

Even the spirits are following the rules. The ghost of my great-grandma is keeping a six-foot spectral distance. I guess even the afterlife has a pandemic protocol.

I Asked the Spirits for Fashion Advice, Now I'm Haunting the Clearance Rack

Turns out the spirits have a thing for bell-bottoms and tie-dye. Now I'm stuck in a ghostly groove, haunting the clearance section at every thrift store.

I Tried Being a Medium, but My Wi-Fi Signal is Stronger

I thought I had a connection to the other side, turns out my internet connection is just more reliable. Now I'm stuck with ghost buffering issues and spectral lag.

The Ghost in My House Thinks I'm a Lousy Medium

You know you're a lousy medium when the only spirits haunting your house are disgruntled spiders and that one sock you lost in the laundry.

Dating as a Medium: I Can Sense Red Flags Before the First Date

I'm not just a medium; I'm a relationship clairvoyant. If you're bringing baggage, I'll know about it before you even swipe right. It's like Tinder with a crystal ball.

My Medium Skills Include Predicting Traffic Jams—Thanks, GPS

I told my friends I'm a medium, and they were impressed until they found out I was just using Google Maps. Apparently, predicting traffic doesn't count as a supernatural skill.

Medium-Sized Problems: I Can Talk to Spirits, but My Plants Won't Stop Judging Me

Plants are the real supernatural critics. They've seen too many horror movies and now they're giving me the silent treatment. I might need a horticultural therapist.

My Ghost Writer Only Communicates in Emojis

I asked my ghost writer for some notes, and all I got were a bunch of ghost emojis. Apparently, even the spirits are using shorthand now. 👻✍️

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