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Why do orcs never play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they're always Mordor-ning!
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What's Saruman's favorite type of music? Heavy metal – he's into Isengard-core!
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Why did the elf apply for a job at the bakery? Because he was good at making elf-abet soup!
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Why did the Balrog apply for a job? Because he heard they had a fiery work environment!
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Why did the elf bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house of Elrond!
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Why did Frodo refuse to fight in the boxing ring? He didn't want to be the Lord of the Ringside!
Eagles' Selective Service
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Why didn't they just ride the giant eagles to Mordor in the first place? They're like the Uber of Middle-earth. Sorry, Frodo, we're not available for long-distance flights today. Try again in a few hundred pages.
One Does Not Simply Walk into Mordor
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One does not simply walk into Mordor. Yeah, no kidding! There's like a whole fellowship, a bunch of battles, and three movies about it. If there was an app for that journey, I'd probably still get lost.
Frodo's Cooking Show
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Frodo should start a cooking show. I mean, the guy can turn a simple ring into a gourmet meal. Move over, Gordon Ramsay, we've got Frodo Baggins, the culinary hobbit.
Sauron's Fashion Choices
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Sauron needs a new stylist. A giant flaming eye? That's so last age. Maybe if he had consulted with the elves, he could've upgraded to something more trendy, like a floating crown or a menacing cape.
Elves and their Hair
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Have you noticed the elves in Lord of the Rings? Their hair is always perfect, even after a battle. I can't even keep my hair in place on a windy day. I'd be the worst elf. I'd show up to Rivendell with hair looking like I fought a Balrog in a tornado.
Gollum's Fashion Sense
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Let's talk about Gollum. I get it, the ring is precious, but did he really have to go naked for it? I mean, I have some prized possessions, but you won't catch me streaking through Mordor to protect them.
Lord of the Ring
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You know, I recently started reading Lord of the Rings. I realized it's basically a story about a bunch of people who are willing to walk across an entire continent to return a piece of jewelry. I can't even be bothered to walk to the kitchen for a snack!
Aragorn's Aging Dilemma
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Aragorn is a great king and all, but did he forget to age for, like, 80 years? Meanwhile, I find a new wrinkle every time I smile. I need his skincare routine, or maybe just some elf genes.
Orc Job Fair
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Imagine being an orc in Middle-earth. You apply for a job, and they're like, Do you have experience in menacing stares, wielding weapons, and a willingness to work in a dark, gloomy environment? It's like the ultimate evil job fair.
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