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Joke Types
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Why did the pregnant woman sit near the orchestra? She wanted the baby to start kicking to the beat!
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Why did the pregnant lady become a professional photographer? She wanted to capture the bump shots!
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Why did the pregnant lady bring string to the restaurant? To measure the belly circumference!
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Why did the pregnant woman carry a pencil? In case she wanted to draw some conclusions!
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Why was the pregnant woman the best employee? She always delivered on time!
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Why did the baby go to business school? To take a crash course in labor relations!
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Why don't we throw baby showers on windy days? We wouldn't want a baby to be delivered by air mail!
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Why did the pregnant lady go to the art exhibit? She wanted to see the labor of love!
Belly Button Dilemma
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They say the belly button pops out during pregnancy. Now, I'm not a doctor, but I think the belly button is just as surprised about the whole situation as the rest of us. It's like a little alien trying to escape the mothership.
Cravings: The Hunger Games
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I've learned that pregnancy cravings are like the Hunger Games, but instead of fighting for survival, you're battling for pickles at 3 AM. I can imagine the scene now: May the odds be ever in your flavor!
Pregnancy Fashion: A Balancing Act
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Maternity clothes are like a fashion tightrope. On one hand, you want to look stylish; on the other hand, you're trying to find pants that don't have a waistline competing with the altitude of Mount Everest.
Unexpected Life Upgrade
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You know, when someone says I'm pregnant, it's either the start of a beautiful family or a surprise episode of a reality show I didn't sign up for. I mean, is there a return policy on this news? Like, do I get a receipt with a 90-day satisfaction guarantee?
Baby Brain Chronicles
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So, apparently, there's a phenomenon called 'baby brain,' where pregnant women become forgetful. I'm thinking, isn't that just a polite way of saying, Welcome to the club of sleep-deprived, absent-minded astronauts who can't find their car keys in a purse the size of a small country?
Parenting Books vs. Reality
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They give you all these parenting books, right? But nowhere in those books does it say how to deal with a toddler throwing a tantrum in the cereal aisle because you won't buy them a dinosaur-shaped cereal. Sometimes I think those books are written by aliens who've never been to a grocery store.
Labor Day: The Ultimate Countdown
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You know you're getting close to labor when every conversation turns into a countdown. How many weeks left? It's like preparing for a space launch, but instead of a rocket, it's a stork delivering a bundle of joy. I just hope there's a good inflight movie.
Morning Sickness Olympics
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I heard the term morning sickness, and I thought, Great, another way to make mornings even more miserable. I didn't realize it's not just limited to mornings; it's an all-day pass to nausea-land. I mean, who knew pregnancy turned you into a contender for the Morning Sickness Olympics?
Ultrasound Mysteries
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I went with my friend to an ultrasound, and they handed us this grainy picture. I'm looking at it, trying to decipher the hieroglyphics. Is that a baby or a sneak peek of the next Marvel movie? I couldn't tell!
Nesting Instinct: Extreme Edition
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I've heard about the nesting instinct during pregnancy, where moms-to-be get this urge to clean and organize everything. If only we could channel that nesting instinct into something useful, like cleaning out the refrigerator or tackling world peace.
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