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Have you ever tried to decipher a greeting card that looks like it went through a game of telephone in the printing press? I got one that said, "Wishing you a day filled with love and spontaneous combustion." I mean, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not ready to burst into flames just yet. And what's with those ambiguous cards? I received one that simply read, "Embrace the rainbow within." Now, I'm all for self-discovery, but I'm pretty sure my inner rainbow is more like a confused chameleon trying to blend into the wrong color palette.
Maybe they need a translation guide for these cards. "Embrace the rainbow within" actually means "Your fashion choices are questionable, but we love you anyway.
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Greeting cards are like the Instagram of emotions—they show you the highlight reel. I got an anniversary card that said, "Cheers to a lifetime of love and laughter." Meanwhile, in reality, we were arguing about whose turn it was to do the dishes for the third time that week. And have you noticed the size of apology cards? They're like, "I'm sorry for my mistake," but in reality, you need a magnifying glass to read the fine print that says, "I promise I'll try not to mess up next time."
So, here's my greeting card idea: "Congratulations on being just human enough to relate to this card." Keep it real, folks.
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You ever notice how greeting cards are like little emotion-filled pieces of art? I mean, someone poured their heart into writing those poetic verses just for you. But let me tell you, sometimes I feel like they missed a few memos. I got this birthday card the other day that said, "May your day be filled with joy and laughter." I thought, "Well, that's a great wish, but I work in customer service. The only laughter I hear is sarcastic." Maybe they should have a special section for work-related cards. "Happy Birthday! May your boss suddenly become a stand-up comedian and your coffee always be strong."
And then there are those sympathy cards. They mean well, but they're like, "Sorry for your loss. May your memories bring you comfort." It's sweet, but I'm pretty sure my memories are conspiring against me. Like, "Hey, remember that embarrassing thing you did in fifth grade? Let's replay it in HD.
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You know, greeting cards have this uncanny ability to predict the future. I got a "Good Luck" card that said, "May your troubles be less and your blessings be more." I thought, "Wow, that's optimistic." But here I am, a week later, and I've successfully misplaced my keys three times, and blessings? Well, they seem to be on vacation. And don't get me started on those romantic cards that predict eternal love. I'm still waiting for someone to look at me the way my GPS does when I make a wrong turn—silent judgment followed by a recalculating attitude.
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