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Joke Types
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How does an estate agent throw a party? They 'host' it in a prime location!
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Why was the estate agent good at gardening? Because they knew how to 'reap' the benefits of a well-maintained property!
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Why did the estate agent break up with their calculator? Because it couldn't handle their mortgage jokes!
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Why did the estate agent bring a tape measure to the negotiation? To 'size up' the deal!
Estate Agents: Masters of Hyperbole
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Estate agents exaggerate everything. If they say the neighborhood is up-and-coming, it means the nearest grocery store is still under construction, and the nearest coffee shop is a guy with a thermos in his garage.
Estate Agents and the Hidden Fees
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Estate agents love hidden fees. They'll tell you about the low monthly mortgage, but forget to mention the annual roof tax or the quarterly sunshine surcharge. I'm waiting for them to introduce the gravity fee because, you know, it's pulling the property value down.
Estate Agents' Mystery Floor Plans
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You ever get a floor plan from an estate agent? It's like trying to decipher an ancient treasure map. Is this the kitchen or the bathroom? Oh, it's the walk-in closet? My bad.
Estate Agents' Sudden Realization
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Estate agents must be in constant denial. I asked one about the weird smell in a property, and they said, Oh, that's just the smell of opportunity. Yeah, opportunity for a hazmat team, maybe!
Estate Agents and the Inflated Balcony Hype
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Estate agents love to talk up the balcony. It's a great outdoor space, they say. But when you get there, it's more like a windowsill with delusions of grandeur. I mean, you can't even fit a chair without risking your life leaning over the edge.
Estate Agents' Time Warps
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Estate agents operate in a different time dimension. They'll tell you a property has timeless charm, but what they really mean is the last time it was updated, people were still using flip phones.
Estate Agents and their Creative Square Footage Calculations
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Estate agents have a unique way of measuring space. They'll call a closet a walk-in wardrobe and a hallway a grand entrance. I once saw a place where the bathroom was listed as a spa experience. I mean, it's just a fancy way of saying you might accidentally elbow the shower while brushing your teeth.
Estate Agents and their Fantasy Tours
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These estate agents give you these fantastic virtual tours of houses. They make it look like a palace online, but when you show up, it's more like a shack with good Photoshop skills. I’m convinced they have a special lens that adds a chandelier to every room.
Estate Agents' Language: Translating the Untranslatable
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Estate agents have their own language. When they say charming, they mean the place is so small you have to go outside to change your mind. And cozy is just code for hope you enjoy showering while sitting on the toilet.
Estate Agents: Masters of the Unreal Estate
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You ever notice how estate agents make you believe your tiny apartment with leaky pipes is practically a luxury mansion? I had one show me a closet once and called it a cozy retreat. I thought, Yeah, it's so cozy, I can touch both walls at the same time!
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