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Empty seats have a mind of their own. It's like they're part of a secret society plotting their great escape. They start off in their designated rows, but by the end of the show, they've formed a rebellion, spreading out like an audience uprising. I bet if I turned my back for a second, those seats would stage a coup and take over the entire front row. They'd be sitting there, judging me, saying, "Well, comedian, we didn't laugh, but we sure had a great time rearranging ourselves."
And let's be honest, we've all been tempted to join the empty seat revolution. You see a cozy-looking chair in the middle of the show, and you think, "Maybe they won't notice if I just sneak in there." But deep down, you know you're betraying your fellow audience members.
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I've come to terms with the fact that some chairs in the audience will always be loners. I mean, they're like the cool kids who have their own VIP section, but only they know about it. Maybe they're anti-social chairs – they just want some alone time. But have you ever tried talking to an empty chair? It's a unique experience. "Hey, Chair, what brings you here tonight? Oh, just chilling? Literally?" I'm convinced some chairs are just on a solo journey, seeking enlightenment in the middle of a comedy show.
I've even considered offering a discount to the empty chairs. You know, like a special rate for introverted furniture. "Two-for-one deal – bring a friend next time, Chair! Oh, wait...
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You ever notice when you're performing, there are always those empty seats scattered around? It's like playing hide and seek with the audience. "Where are you guys? Behind the invisible force field? In the witness protection program?" I sometimes wonder if those seats are reserved for the ghosts of bad jokes past. You know, the ones that died on this very stage. They're just sitting there, haunting me, going, "Remember that time you thought the knock-knock joke was a good idea?"
And what's with the front row being empty? Are people afraid of the splash zone in a comedy club? Is laughter a hazardous activity now? "Better put on my comedy raincoat; the punchline might get me!"
Seems like every comedian has a theory about the empty seats. Some say it's an optical illusion, like a comedy mirage. Others think it's a government conspiracy – they're trying to control the laughter market.
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I've noticed some venues have these fancy signs that say "Reserved Seating." Who are they reserving it for? The Queen of England? Bigfoot? Maybe it's for people who want to attend the show in their dreams – they've reserved a spot for their astral projection. And don't get me started on the people who sneak into reserved seats. They're like comedy ninjas, silently claiming territory. You ever try to kick someone out of a reserved seat? It's like negotiating a hostage situation. "Sir, step away from the prime viewing location. No sudden moves!"
I'm thinking about getting my own "Reserved" signs. Not for special guests or anything – just to mess with people. "Oh, sorry, sir, you can't sit there. That seat is reserved for my imaginary friend, Bob.
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