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Why did the drug addict get a job at the circus? He heard they had great 'trapeze' artists!
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My drug-addicted friend started a gardening club. They're really good at growing pot, but the rest of the plants are suffering.
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Why did the drug addict go to the gym? He heard they had the best 'pumped' up music!
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Why did the drug addict apply for a job at the pharmacy? He heard they had great connections!
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Why did the drug addict become a gardener? Because he heard they had great pot in the greenhouse!
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I told my drug-addicted friend he needed to find a new hobby. Now he's addicted to puzzles. At least he's got something to piece his life together!
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Why did the drug addict become a chef? Because he heard the kitchen had the best spice!
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Why did the drug addict start a bakery? He wanted to make some dough on the side!
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Why did the drug addict become a comedian? He wanted to crack up every night!
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Why did the drug addict start a podcast? He wanted to share his 'highly' addictive personality with the world!
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I accidentally took my friend's allergy medication the other day. Now I know what it's like to be allergic to common sense – I spent the whole day making questionable life choices.
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I recently tried to impress a girl by telling her I knew all the drug names. She was not impressed. Turns out, 'Acetaminophen' doesn't exactly scream romance.
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Drug addicts, the only people who can turn a pharmacy into a fast-food drive-thru. 'Yeah, can I get a side of antibiotics and a large painkiller, please?'
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You ever notice how drug commercials have people smiling and enjoying life while the voiceover lists side effects like it's a rap sheet? 'May cause happiness, dizziness, and the sudden urge to dance, but also consult your doctor if you start speaking in rhymes.'
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Drug addicts and Wi-Fi have something in common – both give you that temporary high, and when it's gone, you're left feeling disconnected and searching for a new fix.
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You know you're in trouble when you visit a friend's house, and they have a medicine cabinet that looks like the clearance section of a pharmacy. I thought I was at CVS, not Crash Vodka Sundays.
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Drug addicts are the only people who can make a visit to the pharmacy feel like a stroll through Willy Wonka's factory. 'Oompa Loompa doopity doo, I've got another prescription for you!'
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I tried to start a support group for people addicted to prescription medication, but everyone just kept canceling the meetings because they were too busy chasing the ice cream truck. Apparently, that jingle is the ultimate trigger.
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I tried to organize a game night with my friends, but it turned into a 'Name That Pill' competition. Spoiler alert: I lost when I mistook a Tic Tac for a new experimental anxiety medication.
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